Making one's move

(PROMPT: Write a story or poem about a mechanical woman.)

SURPRISE!

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Fre-ed! Happy birthday to you!

He knew it was coming (at least he’d hoped for it), so Fred had to focus on his unbelieving, wide-eyed look... Good enough for now—time to turn on the dorky smile.

It had been like that all his life. He wasn’t sure why, but human interaction had always required a lot of work. Spontaneity just wasn’t his forte.

He did love birthday parties. An August baby, he had never had friends over when he was a kid, birthdays were strictly a family affair. But now, at 28, with a job that only allowed for three weeks off a year, he’d discovered the joys of office parties: not bad at all, even if he somehow always fell short of going home with one of the cute secretaries. Still working at hunky smoothness, obviously.

“Aren’t you going to open your present, Fred?”

The voice was tantalizingly soft, he could feel her breath against his ear. What a tease, that Britney! He could tell she was interested, he just couldn’t conjure up the right way to make his move. For some reason, she was comfortable enough to let him see how eagerly she’d let him have his way with her lovely assets, but she never made that oh so elusive first move... You’re the man, Freddy, you do have to take the plunge and swipe me off my feet!

“Sure I will. — Looks pretty big, you guys! You shouldn’t have!”

That box was big. What did they put in there? A lawn mower? A dishwasher?

Next thing he knew, he was staring at the bluest eyes he’s ever seen—except lights were off.

“A CyberDoll! Are you out of your frakkin minds! These things cost a fortune!”

“Aw, Freddy, nothing’s too expensive for you! Nah, just kidding, there was a special at Costco: refurbished but good as new. Time to pop your cherry, young man...”

What the hell? Ivan was supposed to be his friend!

“Wha-what are you talking about?” Fred felt himself blushing.

“Forget it, man. Hope you enjoy. I got myself one last Christmas: that latest software works freaking miracles; with the lights off you almost can’t tell the difference at all anymore.”

That ticked Britney just a little off. “Maybe Ivan isn’t quite the expert he’d have us believe... I guarantee you, I’d make you feel a difference—if you weren’t so fucking smelly!” How she managed to come up with stuff like that while flaunting those wide innocent eyes, Fred could not understand.

As everybody’s focus had noisily shifted to Ivan, Britney whispered into Fred’s ear again.

“Maybe after you get comfy with that thing you’ll finally have a go at a girl? What do you say, Freddy?”

Swallowing was getting difficult, thank god the cake was eaten. And then, before Fred knew it, it came out:

“What if you came to my place and showed me how the “thing” works? I have a feeling you’re a natural at that stuff, Britney.”

He had done it! The words had passed his lips without a stutter, he wasn’t sweating, his eye even had just the right flicker of amusement. Fucking hell, could it really be so easy?



Looks like it could. The CyberDoll never came out of the box; it was sold on eBay before Fred or Britney thought to investigate how close it was to the real thing.

Best untouched birthday present, ever.