She

She’s in me bed and I know that she’s just falling for something that isn’t real, but I’m so lonely that I cant function, and your all I think about still. I just don’t know how I’m going to get though this, I can’t function anymore and then you come back into my life and all of a sudden I can breathe and find peace from these daemons. I just don’t know how to be anything but with you. It’s the only thing I want back in my life, that without it I don’t know how to really live, I’m working on trying to get my life back in order and I just don’t know how to do that without you, and I know it’s the one thing I have to do to be able to get you back. But what do I do in the mean time? Live alone or try and move on and see if were meant to be? If I let someone else into my heart I know that I’ll have to let a part of you go, and I’ve already let so much of you go that I don’t know if I’d be able to come back to you. And maybe that’s what I need to move on from this and see what else life has in store but deep in the bottom of my heart I just don’t see anything but you. And not from a sappy I love you standpoint, I really have never known a connection like the one I felt with you and I just don’t know if I’m ready to live without that in my life or let it be with someone else to feel that way I feel with you.. With you when it was at its best was knowing everything that you found interesting about life wrapped up into one package and embraced in one soul, majestic and dangerous kind and intelligent passionate and carefree intriguing and ever questioning daring and compassionate and modestly arrogant. The mean reds have over come my body when you find yourself shaking and waking up in the middle of the night reaching for memories and being hit in the face with reality and left to pick up the pieces night after night with two empty packs of cigarettes next to trembling hands in a tear soaked and a heart locked up tight for the memory I’m in love with. I cant even day I miss you, I don’t know who you are anymore. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I can’t expect anything more than what happened before to happen again because at least there was someone for you to break down, now there is nothing but pieces