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I wrote two beginnings and i was hoping you could help me out with which one is better. |
1# Michael finally arrived at the city gates after seven day of what was supposed to be a three day journey. His normally brown face had been darkened to a plum from the summer’s heat. “its probably best you travel at night aside from not being able to see anything.” Lucifer snorted in the background “ Now dear brother I don’t think our brother has the, shall we say skill to travel at night what are you trying to do kill off the younger brother before he surpasses the older one. Good one Messiah, if he dies in the desert no one will suspect you and Michael being such a slacker , they’ll probably think he went to sleep and became dinner. Damn Messiah , and they say I'm the evil one. “ Michael snapped out of his day dream and shook his head to clear it out. Lucifer was right, Michael thought, he is the evil one. Lucifer was over there trying to kill me; some days on the trip and some days of a possible heat stroke. Damn he’s good, made me feel good by giving me hope that I could surpass them and then solidified it by telling me that they might actually kill me because of it, when the truth is ill never surpass them if I keep falling for stupid shit like this. Michael looked over at the city sign as it dangled from one nail, it read “Ashinte City of Dreams.” The two large wooden doors lay on the ground behind him had been obviously blasted off in a desperate attempt to escape or recapture, but at this moment he wasn’t sure. As Michael started to walk through the city he covered his head with the hood of his school robe. This would ward off the bandits cause one look at the robe and they will know where he comes from, and its usually enough to keep them away. Walking through the city, he started to regret his decision. As he looked around he finally gave himself time to take everything in and then added them to his list of regrets for the day. Houses and shops that were built by the owner each one more beautiful than the next once made this city what it was. But now as he sees them, lying there in. rubble, burned to the ground with holes blasted through them. Yea, Michael thought, whomever was here really would not give a damn about his school robe. If they had the power to destroy this city he was nothing more than another body on the floor. This street was especially important to him for this is where his sometime lover stayed. What was left of her house was three doors down. Suddenly his stomach dropped, it didn’t occur to him until just then that she might have been a part of this slaughter. He made a dash for the house with a million thoughts running through his head of what could have happened. Once, he got to the second house he stopped dead in his tracks. He was in front of the Rufel Maison. It was always his favorite house when he was little. It was shaped like an overgrown tree-house, it had over eleven rooms and it was three stories high. Each room was separated from each other like branches on a tree. Each branch had a person hanging from the house. 2# Michael arrived on the scene just in time to watch Ashinte, the city of dreams burning to a crisp. Bodies were laid about the streets half eaten and missing limbs. One body in particular stuck a chord in his soul as he remember his last visit to the city. “Warrior”, Michael heard someone say softly towards him as he was watching some horrible week play going on in the street. He turned his head to the left expecting to see some pretty rich girl trying to seduce favors from him. Instead what he got was a very average looking girl She was the color of wet sand and smelled of apple pie made by a heavy handed cook. Her hair was brown with an abundance of blond splashed through. It was a disappointment. She turned her head towards him and said. “So Warrior what brings you to the spring festival, isn't this the time you guys are out training new recruits. Michael went to answer her in his usual uncaring tone when he looked at her face. This girl he thought, may not win any awards for beauty but damn if she wasn't the sexiest thing on two legs he ever saw. She had eyes like none he had ever seen, let alone heard of. The pupils were blood red with emerald speckled through. Her lips were large and full with fire dancing across the surface like oil burning in a pan. “The story is is your never seen very far from your brothers side, where are they out living up to their myth.” With that he snapped back into reality and said. “I'm not a twin I'm just kin if your looking for one of them I'm sure if you smell the of bitches in heat they won't be far from it. “Wow.” she said “family issues eh, relax I'm not looking for your brothers. Actually I wasn't even looking for you specifically, any of you Warriors would do I suppose she said with a smirk.” “Oh yea” Michael replied getting more intrigued by the minute. “ Whats so funny” “Well its nothing really honestly,” she said. Michael Was going to continue badgering her about it when he started thinking, she probably thinks she wasted her time thats why she smirked. My brothers said “Sooner or later I won't even get cast off sex, no one likes second place especially when the difference between us and you is like a donkey and a horse.” “Hey” she said snapping him out of a depressing flash back. “ Family and adequacy issues any thing else you want to put one the table. I mean like when I was a baby I hated spinach and baths so whenever my mom was mad at me she would sit me in a tub full of spinach and tell me to eat all of it,” she said smiling. Michael couldn't speak, he was stuck in a state of shock. Impossible he though he never talked about that stuff and he definitely didn't say it out loud....who is this chick. “ how did you get into my head, no one has ever read a single word of my Brain, who the hell are you.””So what if your saying is true” she said slowly “they you are talented in spirit magic.” Well not as good as my brothers obviously, but I get bye. “Alright well maybe you can help me. You see I'm not sure you heart of the roaths...” Nope, can't say I have” “SHUT UP and let me finish don't just in until I say. Anyway as I was saying where one of the old noble families from cafree. My parents move to ashtint to expand our families fortune. The thing is we are all elemental holders too, so we always had personal trainers.” Whoa whoa whoa, I am not no damn teacher....” “You know you really don't listen do you” She said cutting him off and now clinching her fist. “ I said shut up and let me finish What I'm telling you it may be helpful for the both of us.” “Alright.” “But you could have finished before you made that lame ass speech.” michael continued under his breath. She responded with a swift sideways kick towards his head , which stepped back easily dodging it. His speed didn't' throw her off at all. she followed through after the missed kick with a low to the ground trip kick which he casually jumped in the air to dodge then immediately he realized his mistake she looked up at him and all he saw was the power in her eyes as she blasted him the air landing in a crowd of shoppers. Michael shook off the memory and took one more look at her before closing the eyelids and turning away. I really gotta find out what the hell happened here he thought as he walked the street Walking through the city, he started to regret his decision. As he looked around he finally gave himself time to take everything in and then added them to his list of regrets for the day. Houses and shops that were built by the owner each one more beautiful than the next once made this city what it was. But now as he sees them, lying there in. rubble, burned to the ground with holes blasted through them. Yea, Michael thought, whomever was here really would not give a damn about his school robe. If they had the power to destroy this city he was nothing more than another body on the floor. This street was especially important to him for this is where his sometime lover stayed. What was left of her house was three doors down. Suddenly his stomach dropped, it didn’t occur to him until just then that she might have been a part of this slaughter. He made a dash for the house with a million thoughts running through his head of what could have happened. Once, he got to the second house he stopped dead in his tracks. He was in front of the Rufel Maison. It was always his favorite house when he was little. It was shaped like an overgrown tree-house, it had over eleven rooms and it was three stories high. Each room was separated from each other like branches on a tree. Each branch had a person hanging from the house. |