A Last Resort

Sarah groaned and rolled over in the wide bed. Her eyes caught sight of the small alarm clock by the bedside, 5.30 am. She lifted her arm and covered her eyes with it. She had gotten hardly any sleep during the night. Each time she closed her eyes she saw them, laughing as they waited for her.

Shaking her head to dispel the painful memories, she flung the covers back and climbed out of bed. She had been wrong to come back to the holiday cottage. Her friends had told her not to go, to put the past away and look to the future. It was easy for them to say that. They all had plans, knew where they were going, what they wanted to do, who they wanted to be. Her plans had come to a sudden halt two years ago, on a cold and rainy night, and now she felt as though she stood at an unmarked crossroads, with no clues as to which route to take.

She showered and dressed herself automatically. Pulling on a pair of faded blue jeans and a white tshirt she grabbed her brush and started to brush her blond hair into some sort of order. Pulling her hair into a bobble she stared at her reflection, looking for a sign that would indicate why her life seemed to fall apart, why she was always on her own. She didn't see the strawberry blond hair that framed her fine boned face with its peaches and cream complexion. Nor did she see the expressive blue eyes with their dark shadows or the rich red lips with the faint brackets of pain at the corners. All she saw was a young woman with no purpose, no family, all alone.

Replacing the brush on the dresser her eyes fell on the bottle of sleeping tablets that she had gotten from the doctor last month. She didn't like taking them as they left her feeling groggy with her head wrapped in cotton wool but occasionally she had to have one when sleep had eluded her for several days.

Slowly she picked the bottle up, turning it around in her hand, reading the label and the usage instructions. It would be so easy to open the bottle and swallow the contents and let the comforting warmth of eternal sleep take away all her hurt and pain forever. So easy.

Sarah shook her head and put the bottle down. Yes it would be easy but it would also be wrong. She was still here for a purpose. She just needed to find it.


"I wasn't sure if you'd be coming here again, Sarah," the voice said behind her.

Sarah spun around from the two graves and stared at the older man who had walked up the path through the cemetary. "Hello, Father David. I thought that I would come and see them one more time."

Father David came and stood beside her and looked down at the graves of her husband and son. He remembered how they had been killed tragically in a car accident on the last night of their holiday. Sarah had been thrown clear in the accident but her husband and son had both been killed by the drunk driver that had been speeding along the country lane they had been walking along. As her husband had no family Sarah had requested that they be buried in the local cemetary. They had both loved the quiet seaside village where they had stayed on their holiday that Sarah had felt they should remain there.

"How have you been, Sarah?"

Sarah opened her mouth to give her usual reply but instead said, "Not good. I feel like I've lost my way in life. Like I've got no purpose. This morning I even ...." she couldn't voice what her thoughts had been that morning but she didn't need to.

Father David laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I understand. After what happened to you, it's hard to find your path again. You feel like you're at a crossroads with no indication of which route to take. I can assure you, though, that you will see a sign one of these days. A sign that will give you a new purpose and bring you great joy. Just be patient." He smiled and continued on up to the small stone church.


As the days slowly passed Sarah wondered what that sign would be and when she would see it. She prayed that it would come soon as she didn't know how much longer she could cope with the heavy weight of despair that threatened to swamp her each morning. The bottle of sleeping pills seemed to taunt her every time she climbed out of bed. Their promise of eternal peace becoming a temptation that she was struggling to ignore.

Slipping a comfortable pair of canvas pumps on her feet, she headed out of the cottage and down the path to the beach. As always, this part of the beach was deserted. Holidaymakers preferred the beach further along the bay, nearer to the shops and cafes. Sarah was thankful for that. The peace comforted her and eased her mind a little.

She walked along the edge of the water, lost in her thoughts and the dark, painful memories that were always lying under the surface. She didn’t notice the half grown German Shepherd racing down the beach until he had jumped on her, his tongue seeking to cover every inch of her face. Laughing she took a step back and gently calmed the overfriendly pup down, her dark mood vanishing instantly in the light of the pup’s enthusiasm for everything.

“Zarek! Bad boy. You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home.” The young boy who had been chasing the dog finally caught up to them both and grabbed hold of the lead that was trailing through the sand. “I’m sorry, he didn’t hurt you, did he?” the boy’s voice was hesitant, fearful of losing his clumsy but lovable friend.

“No, he didn’t. He just took me by surprise.” Sarah gave the pup a fond pat and was rewarded by a sloppy kiss by him.

“He got out of the garden. I was helping my Gran and didn’t check the gate. She’s hurt her ankle and can’t move about as much so I’m supposed to stay near the cottage.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Sarah automatically fell into step with the boy as they headed towards the cottage that was further along from hers.

She didn’t know how it happened, or even why, but somehow she found herself spending most of the day with the young boy, Daniel and his sister Amy and Rose the grandmother who had sprained her ankle. Time flew by so fast that the memories that always threatened to swamp her were pushed towards the back of her mind, buried buy the sheer fun and enjoyment of spending her time with this young family. She learned that their mother was dead and that their father, Rose’s son, was a high powered lawyer working on a case in the city.

“Will you come back tomorrow?” Daniel asked as she got ready to return to her cottage.

“Oh, I don’t know …” she looked over at Rose, not wanting to intrude upon what was obviously a family holiday.

“No, please come. To be honest, it has been a great help to have you here,” Rose replied, a friendly smile lighting up her face. “This ankle has really put me out. The children try not to pester me too much but even the slightest task is a real effort. If you don’t mind coming around I’d be so grateful.”

Sarah looked down at the two young faces watching her. She could see Zarek’s great tail thumping against the wooden flooring as if he too was waiting for an answer. She thought back over the day, the fun and laughter that had filled it rather than the despair that had clouded her days previously. There was only one answer that she could give.

“I’d love to come, thank you.”


Later that evening, as she got ready for bed her eyes fell on the bottle of sleeping tablets. This time there was no temptation to take them. The heavy cloud of despair that had always hung over her had disappeared under the fun and laughter of the day. She picked the bottle up and placed it in her drawer out of sight, out of mind, out of her life.

Looking out across the moonlit bay, she stared at the stars twinkling in the sky. One star seemed to twinkle brighter than the others as though lit by heavenly bodies. Suddenly, she knew that today had been her sign, her purpose in life. Though it may only be for a few days it was the start of the road to recovery and new beginnings.