The Desert of Nihil

I am empty, a mere husk of a human being. My mind has been reduced to a blank void surrounded by a dull haze, while my heart is filled to the brim with soured apathy. My hopes, dreams and desires have all fizzled away, leaving only a bare nothingness through which my withering will to live wriggles lamely, struggling to breathe the dry, listless air in an atmosphere of toxic ennui, pulling himself along in a futile attempt to find meaning in what he knows deep down is a meaningless Universe. As he crawls pitifully through the barren desert of existence, he diverts his attention away from his fruitless quest by thinking about the reward that awaits him beyond the rough grey sands, just as he has done since the beginning of his journey all those years ago. He continues to delude himself in this way, continuing to believe that there is a reason, that there is more than just the endless stretches of sand that swirl in the cold wind before his eyes, that someday all of his dreams will be fulfilled.

But the desert is always there to reaffirm the pointlessness of it all.

Sometimes, he thinks back to when he began his lonely trek across the desert, back when he was young and strong, back when he could withstand the numbing cold and the dry air and the unforgiving coarseness of the sand, back when he thought that he knew there was something wonderful waiting for him on the other side.

But the desert was always there to reaffirm the pointlessness of it all.

And then, he remembers how the desert slowly and mercilessly beat him down over the course of all those years until he had reached his present pathetic state, bent so far into submission that he practically ate the sand upon which he tread. And yet he continues to crawl along to this day, part of him still hoping for that paradise beyond the dismal hell through which he had walked since his beginning, part of him still believing that he would one day attain his goal.

But the desert is always there to reaffirm the pointlessness of it all.

But one day soon, as time begins to take its toll, he will accept that there was never any reward beyond the endless desert of existence, and will cease his futile crawling. And as my will to live sinks into that sea of sand, I too will begin to fade away. In my final moments, I will worry for those unfortunate, idealistic souls just beginning their quest towards eventual oblivion, striving for that non-existent nameless goal beyond the sands. But I will smile in the end, for I know this:

The desert will always be there to reaffirm the pointlessness of it all.