Misanthroman: Intro

Given what we know about human nature, we can determine that, in some variable form or another, everyone is wicked in one way or another. No one is fully good. I've learned to hate the world and loathe the creatures in it. The ones I truly despise are the oafs who roam the streets in search of poor unsuspecting prey. There are no victimless crimes but that doesn't mean they should happen. It is my duty, my calling, my destiny to remove these villains from the world. One street at a time. For the rest of you. Your time is coming motherfuckers.

…

         It was a dark night. Lonely streets held lonely pedestrians who held their lonely dogs who shat their lonely shit, only to be stepped in by more lonely people. It was a vicious cycle. Sweeney Todd had it right when he said, “In the world there is a big black pit, and it is filled with people who are filled with shit.” My city was the shithole. I was the human pooper-scooper. My hands reveled in the deep putrid stench of humanity at its finest. I cleaned it up like the little old lady at the dog park. Street corner by street corner, back alley by back alley, grommet by grommet, I relieved this wretched city of its worst filth. I was Mr. Fucking Clean.
         I was spying down upon these lonely streets from my perch high up above. Looking, observing, holding back a vomit. I was sickened by these groundlings. The way they passed each other by, without looking at each other even. As if they were robots. Emotionless eyes wandering aimlessly across the landscape searching for something to occupy themselves with rather than see the pain of their own staring back at them through another pair of eyes. They didn't live life they killed it. They had abandoned humanity. They always did. Why did it make a difference to me? I don't have a fucking clue. It just did.
         Anyways, I saw a scrawny little asshole drag this pretty young girl into an alley. So I didn't get sued again, more on this later, I waited a minute or so to see if this was a legitimate crime. Sure enough he had a shining five inch blade in one hand. So I swooped down, by swooped I mean ran and jumped and climbed down, to where they were.
         “Hey! You schmuck!” Surprisingly enough he didn't have one even though he was a sweaty Italian bitch. His dick was about half out. I had seriously caught this fuck with his pants down.
         “What the hell?!” He grabbed a hold of the little tramp. I could see why he went after her. Long blonde hair, tits the size of balloons (barely covered by a barely there shirt) and a skirt that sort of covered her lack of panties. “Back off you dickfuck or I'll slit the bitch's throat.”
         “Sir I rightly don't give a fuck. Kill her for all I care. One less scum to worry about. Either way your six feet under cockmunch.” This gave the dude a wicked look in his eye. He knew right then and there that there was no way out of the alley. No way to save his worthless life. He slowly backed up using this unnatural waddling stance, since his pants were still on the ground. Tiny step after tiny stepped he pulled the girl farther into the alley to put some distance between us. Suddenly he tripped over this trashcan and as he fell back the knife sort of slid across her neck just far enough over to not kill her. I rushed over to his squabbling body in an intense struggle to free himself from the can grasp. I stuck my steel toed boot over his neck.
         “Please no. I'll change I swear!” He gurgled out helplessly.
         “People don't change until they die.” I applied ample pressure onto my foot and with a swift crack this pervert was no more.
         From behind me I heard the little slut crying, blood oozing down her neck. I began to climb up a fire escape.
         “Hey wait. Thanks.”
         “Don't count on me to always be here.” I then climbed up the ladder and back into the night.
         I stayed up on the rooftops for another few hours, watching, nothing. I headed home for a nice bath and to comfort my aching soul with a good sit down with The Sound of Music.