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It's my mind I'm worried about she whispers deep inside my ear, stabbing at the heart of my soul. "Memories I once held tightly are starting to unwind and lose their importance." This statement led me to believe that her long term commitment was lost. That it had become so wrapped up in the intensity of finding what happiness may be ahead of her and not focused on the existing contentment which she leaves unnoticed. She then turns her head, looks at the window and stares deep at her own reflection. "I just see myself in this picture, there is no more us anymore, to me you are just a presence taking up time in the space I live within." She brushes the bottom of her hand softly against the top of mine and then walks off. Tears storm from my eyes blurring her silhouette into an intangible shape. Untamable thoughts clutter my mind and nothing has ever screamed harder then the explosion of hurt.

Day 1- I stumble out of bed, my feet hit the floor, I stare, I stare, I stare.

Day 2- i stay in bed, i wonder, i wonder, i wonder.

Day 3- I get up without the need to leave the house, but do so anyway. Find the nearest bar, i stare, i stare, i stare.... I wonder, i wonder, i wonder.

Day 4- Still in a drunken state, I abuse myself with thoughts on why without ever knowing the answers but, desperately try to figure them out.

Day 5- Life feels vacant, reality becomes my living nightmare and everything is not illuminated.

Day 6 through 140- I repeat all the horror from the days before.

I stand here fragile and unstable. I stand here before you, but in thought, only in thought. You are not with me physically, you are haunting me mentally. My mind is cluttered with weakness, I'm fragile, I'm needy, I'm desperate for relief. Please mind, please help my heart, please help it heal and find ways to a world I enjoy. I'm tired of darkness, of emptiness, of seeing myself this way, of seeing myself the way you do. I'm tired of who I am ever since you changed me. The once known person I was, which was happy and content died along with the misery you killed me with. I'm not that person, I don't ever want to be that person and you have stolen the real me long enough. Time will be my ally, it will heal me, it will dissolve my heart filled feelings for you.

Have you ever wondered why the person your with doesn't love you, I sincerely hope not. And if you have, I'm not talking about the feeling of neglect you feel because you're insecure due to your own back firing neurons but, for the many reasons they have given you to believe so. They have a way of extracting numbness from the weak side of your soul. They are not who you think they are. They're some kind of evil entity that you imagined as an angel; you let your kindness reconstruct them; building a personality which they will never achieve.

For me love is simplicity surrounded by the pure honesty of heartache. An explanation would be, the feeling of love comes naturally, without any effort, it's innate. No matter how hard you try to overlook it, it stands before you, blocking the rest of the world. Once you become involved with the person who makes your heart beat in a different pattern time allows you to become more comfortable with the individual, which is beautiful and admirable. When you become more relaxed with the relationship and let it go on autopilot problems arise due to the mere fact that we're human. The "pure honesty of heartache" is when you upset the person you love without the intention of doing so. We all cause pain but, there's a difference between triggering off the pain intentional and inducing such emotion while blindly doing so.

I'm sad it had to happen this way but, glad it's over. Although, enduring such heartache like this only makes you appreciate a loving relationship even more. It allows your heart to collect the surrounding beauty which sometimes can be left unnoticed, like I once was.