A Love Lost

I haven’t seen you in so many years,
Though you have been in my mind so often,

When I heard of your passing,
The grief was so great,
Though I knew it was to be.

Regrets for a love that I lost,
For a friendship that was never fulfilled,
For memories never made,
Left and lost a lifetime ago.

I loved you,
More than even I knew,
I was so young,
Not much more than a child.

My heart was broken,
Loss and pain so fresh,
Just losing my grandmother,
Only days before.

The pain was blinding,
Where I was, so dark,
You were my candle burning bright,
Through the darkness of grief,
My silver lining.

Your smile showed through the pain,
Your kindness warmed my heart,
Though it was only for a short time,
Those memories I take with me forever.

But then there was you illness,
The pain and sadness,
The loss of your mother,
The pain you carried for so long,
Your fear of what was to come,
How that must have haunted you.

I was a coward,
No more grief could I bare.
The thought of watching you go,
Losing you day by day,
Seeing someone else that I loved fade away,
So I walked away.

I thought that it would be easy,
We knew each other only a little while,
Was it youth or pain that didn’t let me see,
The truth that was there, all along,
The love, the hope, and dreams that we shared.

Oh, the shame in how I left you.

The child in me so came through so clear that day,
Still so clear in my memory,
I blamed you for something,
All the time, knowing it was the illness,
A scared little girl, glimpsing what would come,
I turned away and ran.

Now my heart aches,
As it has since I walked away,
Oh, how I hope you weren’t alone.

I know you had your family,
With love so fierce,
I saw it clear,
In the way they wanted to keep you safe.

I hope I caused you no lasting pain,
I hope you only had good memories,
I hope your dreams stayed with you ‘til the end.

Though our lives never crossed again,
I have never forgotten you,
My memories will be with me always.

I will never know where the road might have taken us,
Fate didn’t take us down the road together.

But my love for you remains,
Your road has come to an end,
Please know now, what I couldn’t say then,
Know that you will always be special to me.

My first true love,
My first love lost,
Rest in peace at last,
Knowing you were loved,
That you will always be loved.

Melissa Leigh Etheridge
12/22/09