Slow

Daddy left you when you were five, such a ender age
“Good riddance’ mama said, ‘he was no good anyway’
But, wait…
Who would be there to comfort you when you were afraid at night?
Who would walk you to your first day of school to let you know things were going to be alright?
Who would be there to listen when all you needed was to cry?
Those are the things Daddy’s do just right.
Now there was no one to set the standard for the type of men who would be in her life.

No sibling around.
Mom working all the time.
Must’ve been awfully lonely
Those big beautiful eyes, begging, ‘hold me’
Growing bored of toys more and more as days pass
Entertainment from the television never seemed to last
So many failed attempts to start conversation at the dinner table
If the walls could talk, they’d have nothing to say
Mother never seemed to mind anyway
But to a child, silence can be deafening
A little girl so hopeful, a tired mother done with trying

So in came the men
So many a week
Couple of laughs, couple of drinks
All shapes and sizes
Different walks of life
None seemed to stay for any promised amount of time
Who were these guys?
And when was daddy coming home?
The glare from mom let you know to leave her alone

When you hit age 10
You got you some friends
Who were already headed towards the fast lane
Queen of the world when you got to middle school
All you had to do was give a kiss and allow a little feel
And any boy was yours.
But as days rolled by,
Boys found out you weren’t so ‘fly’
Because you had to do more than show a little skin
And giving “it” up was in.

You didn’t love him
Didn’t even know his last name
Everyone was doing it and you needed the shortcut to your fame
He felt nothing towards you
Just thought you were cute
Surely he’d feel like a man for being some girls’ first
You were anxious for the attention so he didn’t have to work
All he had to do was ask and show up
Fourteen then, but, you knew better.

In high school now and the numbers are steadily climbing
You go through everyday lying.
To no one in particular
Just yourself.
Convincing you you need no help
Slut? Hoe?
Whatever! Right? Who cares?!
These people didn’t know you, and you can ignore the stares.
And glares.
Plenty of boys ‘love’ you, right?
But none catch the tears you cry every night.

You’re hurting you more than any man ever could
Putting yourself out there more than anyone ever should
Telling all your friends you wouldn’t when you would…
And you did.
Convincing yourself you’re admired and loved.
Stop kidding yourself, kid.
When you do find someone to love you, you’ll have no more love to give.
So, slow it down babygirl, you got your whole life to live.