His Eyes

LILY



I knew Nate was looking at me with his deep brown eyes. Deep brown eyes that I have known for a long time. Deep brown eyes that belonged to my best friend. Deep brown eyes that I have been avoiding since he told me his true feelings for me.

There is an awkward silence between us. I never knew this would happen. I never expected this. But here we were, in the park by the playground where we first met when we were five years old. I had a feeling back then that he was going to be special to me, and right now, he really is. Because he is my best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet he didn't seem to be content with that.

"Lily, say something. I love you, and this feeling won't go away that easily. If you love me back, tell me so. If you don't, look me in the eyes and tell me that. Then I'll quit bugging you about this, we'll be best friends again and things will go back to normal," he said.

"You think things can ever go back to normal between us now? Because...I don't. I just don't."

"I know you don't want to risk this friendship, but don't you think love is worth risking everything?"

"Well, what if this isn't love, and we risk everything for nothing?"

I turned around and started to walk away. I know he thinks it's not like that, he thinks what he feels is real. I know that I hurt him, and I don't want to see that. I thought he'd just walk away too. I thought he'd turn his back and try to forget about it. Maybe someday, we'll meet again and laugh about how naive we were, once toying around with the concept of love without really understanding it. He'll be a successful doctor, and I will find out that he's moving to California with his new family, far away from me, as soon as all the--

But no. I have known for a long time that he is very stubborn and persistent, so why should I consider for a second that he will let go that easily? I was the one who let go though, of his hand that was tightly gripping mine. I should have continued walking. Instead, I turned back around and faced him again. Still, I avoided his eyes.

"Lily, I won't go away until you tell me that you don't love me back. Say it, and I'll be gone now. Say it, and I'll talk to you again when we're both ready, and I'll try as hard as I can to move on and let us be friends again," he said.

"I don't love you back, at least not in that way," I told his shoes.

"Look me straight in the eyes and say that again. Although I really hope you won't."

"All right! I will!" I looked him straight in the eyes...

...and lost all focus. Fortunately, I recovered about a few seconds later.

"I don't love you back so please just stop this!" This time, I was looking straight at him. I instantly regretted all that I said. He looked hurt, but that's not the only reason. I realized that I lied to him. I realized that I love him back.

I stood there shocked at the reality of this. I love him back. I LOVE HIM BACK. I was so surprised, and I just stood still there for what seemed like an eternity. I didn't notice that, without a word, he turned his back and slowly walked away. When I finally regained focus, I wanted to cry out, "Wait! No! I didn't mean what I just said!" But by then, he was already gone.



__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NATE



Here I am sitting in my room, thinking about what just happened. I know I shouldn't have left her like that, but I was so hurt that at that time, I didn't care. But now I do. I don't know why she was just standing there looking surprised. What was going on in her mind at that time?

Her words still stung. I was hurt by the last person I ever thought would hurt me. I keep replaying the scene over and over. Whenever it gets to the part where she says "I don't love you back so please just stop this!", it seems as if the volume is turned way up and that just sucks. I've been rejected before, but it has never hurt as much as it does now.

It was still around 7 PM, but I was already getting ready for bed. A few hours later, at 10PM, my doorbell rang. Only half-awake, I stumbled to the door. I wondered who will bother me at this hour. I opened the door, and there she was. Lily, soaking wet because of the rain outside. I'm wide awake now and totally surprised. I hug her. Suddenly, I remembered what happened earlier that day. That things were supposed to be awkward with us. Yet she was hugging me back. Now, I'm starting to wonder: after all that happened, why is she here at my door, hugging me back? Was this just a dream conjured up by my cruel subconsciousness? No, this hug feels real, and I didn't want it to end. But then she already pulled back.



__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

LILY



I'm in Nate's apartment, sitting close by the fire wrapped in a warm blanket and sipping hot chocolate.

"What's the deal, Lily? Why are you here?"

I know what I said still hurts him. Will taking it back take away at least some of the hurt? Here it goes...

"Nate, I am so sorry about what happened earlier. I--"

"So that's all? Just sorry? I forgive you, then. It was stupid of me to think it might have been something other than just sorry," he interrupted.

"No! I want to take back everything that I said. I regretted it as soon as I told you I didn't...I mean, as soon as I said the last thing that I said," I didn't want to remind him of those last words in the park, before he walked away. I continued, "I do love you. In THAT way. Honestly. I just didn't realize it at first."

"Is this...a dream?"

"No. I love you..."

Now I give up. I might be risking a lot, but I don't care. I feel like we're both just barely balancing on the edge of a cliff, looking down towards depths unknown. But now, as he tucked a stray strand of my dark hair behind my ear and kissed me, I didn't care at all. This is the perfect beginning, and I doubt it will ever end.