The Horror of It

It was like one of those gory horror movies
The knife in his hand
The explosion of my organs
The moment I thought about you…

It was all hidden
As Inconspicuous as I could have been
And I just wanted nothin’
Nothing but a key
Back then,
Just a key.

I could get out of my head
If it wasn’t all wrapped up
Like a mummy.
I could practice pretending
But it wouldn’t
Matter cuz’ I won’t make the caste.
I won’t cry till
Till crying is okay
And I won’t whisper
Till you cover up your ears
And pull back into your shell
Your coffin.

I love the way you smell
Like a cathedral
All boarded up
Ready to denounce
And give it all in
Put it all out.
I think that the memory counts
But you said it is forgotten.

So tall and bearded
So pouncy and giddy
Like a boy
Like a boy
Which made me feel like a girl
When I’ve lived up this life
Up and out and all around
I am sorry to say I am nothing like
her.

I saw Mary holding
Up her hands
And I wondered if
She was just waiting
When all else have given up
A world worth decapitating.

And in the dark
Your memory chased me
Into the corner of my mind
And I know that is a blade
Hidden under your jacket
And I know what you’re after
But I am not yet a disaster
And I ain’t yours neither…
But I coulda been.

So if I think about it tonight
It can’t cause too much fright
If I think about it just right…
So gently.
So terribly bloody to look back there
And see what I wanted
So far gone…
So indisposed
And beyond
The strength my legs have left.
But I coulda made up
For what I can’t even think.
For what now makes me sink
Into the back part of my throat
Where trivial is divine
And blood is only red wine
And parties go on
And end
with the night
You don’t even pretend
To remember…
Cuz you are too drunk.
And you wake up
And begin again-
That was back then.

Outta the corner of mine eye,
I thought I saw a ghoul.
But it was just me thinking
That I’d rather not be alone.
And I thought bout you.
Even though you asked me not to.
I thought grandly and dangerously about you.
And I kiss you
And I kiss you
And I kiss you
And never worry about tomorrow
Or today
Or forever
I kiss you.
Your beard
Your scratchy scratchy beard.
Mopping up all my passion.
I just want to think about it is all…
Just for a sec.

But it brings such fear
So much fear
Like the world may be ending
Like the angels are orchestrating
A great disaster
When it was just a prayer…
And you following me in the dark
Through the woods
Looking back
Looking so far back
That I tripped.
And my heart became a smear.