Why Don't Vampire's P?

Why don’t Vampires Pee?

Ok guys, seeing everyone is wondering if anyone is at home here on WDC, I thought I'd toss out this random little thought that has been rattling around in my head for awhile now. 

In all the vampire stories I've ever read, they have a diet of blood, and for the most part human blood-- no biggie-- I like beef better than pork, so I can accept that these creatures would have food preferences. Don't we all?  They also need to feed to have energy to stay strong, albeit usually hyper strong.  Let's just consider human blood their form of performance enhancing drugs- aka steroids. Again it’s an acceptable analogy. 

Now here is the rub.  If I drank a gallon of water, and draining an adult human would be at least that much water, I would have to be finding a restroom pretty darn fast, plus I’d slosh a bit, and I'd sweat, cry and salivate too. So why don't any of these vampires ever have to take a potty breaks?  Also, blood isn't a completely digestible product so eventually some solid waste would need to be 'dumped' . .  Yeah, I know they are the "undead".  But that doesn't solve anything.  If they were called the un-living, the semantics might make the 'magical thinking rules' apply, but un-dead means not dead, and we assume also not really quite alive in our normal frame of reference.  They have to be sort of living as they need to eat. Yeah, I hear you die-hards screaming the word FEED in my ear.  Again semantics. My horse grazes, she feeds and munches on grass, and eats grain- all of it is consuming food to survive, and she is not a vampiric horse. Her stable mates thinks she is the devils own mount though. She has a wicked kick and screams like a movie star vampire at the others as she steals their grain.

Another thought, what happens to the beer swilling Bubba or Gator from Hicksville, Georgia? I can say this because I live in Georgia in a town that ought to be called Hicksville, and this Bubba or Gator is a good ole boy that pounds a case of beer every night.  Does the vampire who bites Bubba, get drunk on Bubba's blood after he's pounded that case?  Or what if Gator accidentally gets turned?  Gator would be a kind a cool name for a vampire—just think on it a sec. Does Gator now have to go find his dinner by waiting for the drunks to come reeling out of the bars at two AM because he is an alcoholic vampire?  Now that would be a Vamp with an attitude problem! 

I always had a problem with the idea of vampires that turned into bats.  Where did their clothes go, and why weren't they in their birthday suit when they turned back? Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyers at least avoided that issue-- no bat winging about town, just move fast. Although, I'd think Stephanie’s Vamps ought to carry some extra shoes around their necks as they'd be smokin’ hot after one of their long runs.

Just thought I'd toss these thought/ruminations out and see what ya guys think!  Maybe I'll see a story or two that will answer my ponderings.

Lyn


Georgianna Sirona Lyn d'Bolt du Juracetys 
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