All about myself

All about myself
By: Dean

I am Dean, and I am 28 years old. I am not afraid to disclose my age. I have no reason to be secretive about it. After all, every one of us will grow old. It’s inevitable, isn’t it? I have decided to be more honest, to be truer and more authentic to myself, as well as to others. I also have decided to be less apologetic. I do recognize that my ultimate accountability is towards God alone. I can tell you now that I have made very stupid decisions in the PAST. And yes, I do regret some of those decisions. But then again, I also know that regrets don't work. Unless of course those regrets would drive us to change for the better. Anyways, past is past. Whatever happened then remains there. I can never undo what I have already done. But I do believe that God can redeem the past---the lost days, the lost years. This year, I plan to continue to be healed from the wounds of my past as well as to heal the wounds that I have caused others to suffer. Regarding the FUTURE, it is still unclear. My life has always been a series of uncertainties and it continues to be that way still. A nomad, a drifter, a learner, a dreamer, a traveler ----that is Dean. And shall I finally attain success? Shall I finally become the envy of others as well as the pride of my parents? I don't really know. As much as I want to, my limitations and weaknesses constrain me to achieve the heights of success, or at least the glory of success as defined by this world. But come to think of it, I know I have been successful already. I've already experienced and learned about a lot of things in my career. I have developed meaningful relationships with my officemates and friends. I have collected priceless memories with them. There were true friends and not so true, but I learn from them as well. Aren't these the essence of life and existence? And now let me talk about the PRESENT. I am still alive, thank God. I am still often troubled and haunted by anxious thoughts and feelings. I have long acknowledged the fact that I have not really moving forward as far as my position in the office is concerned. I am actually depressed and quite disappointed since everybody knows here that I am very much qualified to be promoted to a higher position but then the situation doesn’t calls for it. And maybe due to some circumstances and situations which are beyond my control.
Just to give you an idea about how I look like, the mirror still tells me of my physical flaws --- an underweight body, receding hairline, and a more matured appearance. Have I really lost my youth? Perhaps.. Perhaps I can regain it too through exercise and proper diet. I don't really know. I have to exert more effort on that. When I was younger, my dreams and aspirations were simple. I just wanted friends, someone or somebody to eat lunch with. I guess I still have that wish. I long for loving relationships---with my family, with my existing friends, with new acquaintances, with myself, and most importantly with my God. They define the meaning of my life, my bases of success and happiness.