Inner Struggle

The pain was huge, intense and overwhelming. At least I thought it was.

I wouldn’t know, since I wasn’t the one experiencing it.

For once, I was the one inflicting it.

I stared into cold, empty eyes, relishing the fear and anguish in those shimmering pools of black. I didn’t know if they were shining with tears or if they were just reflecting the full moon hanging in the sky like the hunter waiting to descend upon it’s prey. I didn’t care.

The soft flesh beneath my fingertips trembled and I shuddered in anticipation, stroking the smooth skin in a slow, almost gentle manner.

“It will end soon.” I whispered into the cool night air, my lips pulling back into a grimace barely worthy of being called a smile.

I gazed at the glistening blade in my hand lovingly, guiding it to the pale expanse of skin emitting an unearthly glow in the luminous moonlight.

The blood started to run, marking the white flesh a sinful red. It almost seemed to move, swirl in distinctive patterns before my eyes.

I directed my attention towards the dark street down below, watching it with hollow eyes. There was nothing to see but a little old lady, crawling down the street bent over her walker. So unaware of what was happening. Of what was going to happen.

Shallow breath filled my ears and I touched a tear-stained cheek, tracing the wet trails with cold fingertips before burying my nails in the soft flesh, smiling at the quiet gasp of pain.

I chuckled and trailed the blade along an exposed collarbone, waiting for the crimson drops to spill, hitting the floor in a delectable rhythm.

Drop. Drop. Drop.

I watched the droplets in trance, catching one on my fingertip and licking it away with the tip of my tongue, the coppery taste so familiar and yet it had never tasted better.

Maybe because I knew this blood would soon stop flowing. Soon, it would form a crimson puddle on the hard concrete down below, washing everything away.

“Soon…”

The murmur seemed to come from far, far away and for a moment I was unsure who had spoken. Did it even matter?

My mind was jumbled, yet I had never been seeing things clearer. The comforting darkness, the blood slowly drying on pale skin, these pain-filled eyes and the tears trailing down bruised cheeks. All of it.

I looked up into the sky, breathing in the night air and feeling the anticipation of what was about to happen course through me. I let the blade slide from my hand and watched as it clattered to the ground with a loud thud, interrupting the quiet night.

It was time.

I grinned toothily at the desperate cry that pierced the night. One little push. Just one.

Then it would be done. No more pleas. No more cries.

The screaming continued, even as the body toppled over the ledge into the darkness below.

It was finally over.

I smiled one last time in relief before my bruised body hit the hard concrete with a dull crunching sound, ending my inner struggle and colouring the ground a bright crimson.

The silence buzzed and rang in the aftermath.