I Plumb

We are so pathetic. Three of us, me, Daniel and Chris, standing in front of my neighbors house, trying to figure out which one of us is going to tell him that we broke his house.

         “Come on Daniel” I said “ring the bell.”

         “What? Me? Why the hell should I do it.”

         “Because you’re the one that broke the pipe dumb ass.”

          “Yeah but Chris threw me into it.” Daniel said. He sounded tense, like he did when he and I had to take a test that he didn’t study for and he wanted me to help him cheat. Every once in a while I would bail him out but not this time, no way in hell I was going to take the fall for this. 

         Chris looked down at Daniel and smiled at him as if to say yeah right, like I’m going to ring that bell. Ha. It was funny, because it really was Chris’s fault. Last night, after getting home from work, Daniel and Chris (not me, I just watched and laughed at them) decided that they wanted to do a little wrestling on the neighbors front lawn. Only what they didn’t think about until latter was the fact that the lawn was on a hill, and at the bottom of that hill was the pipe for the neighbor’s water main. As you would expect Daniel and Chris went at each other with reckless abandon, laughing like little boys on a playground, and rolling down the hill right for the pipe. Chris rolled on his back and hit the ground with his head. I was so busy laughing at Chris that I didn’t notice what had happened to Daniel, until I heard something that sounded like a fire hydrant gushing out water and Daniel in a dazed voice saying aw man, I’m wet. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen, Chris rubbing a giant bump on his head, and Daniel lying on the ground with water from a busted pipe splashing all over him. Funny that is, until I realized that we had just broken the neighbor’s house.

         “Come on Daniel, hurry up and get this over with,” I said, getting impatient with him. Daniel lifted his finger to the bell, but just as he was about to ring it the door opened, and there before us stood a huge fat man, with a WB frog holding a beer tattooed on his arm, wearing nothing but boxers.

         “Um, sir” Chris said, “We kind of broke your water main.”

         He just stood there, scratching his hairy belly.

         “Hmmm, that’s a lot of damage.” He said, looking right at us. The color went out of Daniels face, and I could tell he wasn’t looking forward to what the man was going got say next.

         “Naw, I’m just kidding; its cool, I plumb.”

         Then he turned around and went inside, leaving the three of us standing on his porch, laughing at what we had just seen.