Root

During the Chinese Foreign Policy class today, we were shown a documentary on the Opium War and the invasion of the Western powers. It was an old film with blurry footages and narration of Chinese opium addicts and the shameless statements by the British and American trading firms. One of the clips in the documentary showed Lin Tse-hsu flushing the opium balls into the river trench. Then the British came in fury and greed; the Middle Kingdom was broken.
All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed. I took in the humiliation; I shared the rage my people held for the West. I had not experienced such a strong surge of nationalism for a long time (though when I was a small child, I used to hate Japanese for invading my country). But being the only Chinese student in an American classroom, I saw the event through a different lens; I experienced different sentiments. And it became clear to me that I did know where I came from.

Then there came the history of Hong Kong. It was referred as the "paradoxical symbol" of China in the documentary. China was proud of the succes of Hong Kong but the city thrived mainly because of the British influence. As a citizen of Hong Kong, should I then be grateful that the Western power had once triumphed over China? Or should I adhere to the Chinese root and disregard the positive development brought by colonization?

I am proud of the status of Hong Kong as a cosmopolitan that surpasses most Chinese cities and sometimes I secretly lament its fading glory. I do not want Hong Kong to become an ordinary Chinese city but at the same time I acknowledge that Hong Kong is part of China; I simply do not want it to merge completely into the Chinese culture.

Once my Japanese friend told me that she found it awkward to regard me as a Chinese. She thought since Hong Kong could issue its own passports, I could proudly claim myself to be a Hong Kongese. But then what about my Britsh passport? I am a British national with almost no ties with this country.

Cradled in the Chinese and British cultures, now sandwiched between the hybrid Hong Kongese and American cultures, I cannot unambigously describe my identity. Maybe my perpetual longing for a stable home stems from such a confusion. Colonization, "one country, two systems", nationalism, and citizenship all somehow trouble me.

sharonyamsy.blogspot.com