PAC

A brief note, the italics are god speaking. The main character is unaware of what is being said by him.

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So, introductions all around. My name is Serious Q. figglesworth. No, that's not right. Thats not right at all. My name is General Johny Figerous. No, I'm sorry, that's not the truth either. My name is Cecil. Cecil Bonds and this is my story.

It all started in the summer of 2007. If you are reading this then you probably know about it already. Apparently, there was a deadly virus, and what this deadly virus did was kill people. It was incredibly good at its job, and was hired by Satan himself.

Actually, no. I've talked to Satan about it and it definitely was not him who did it.

Me and my Girl, who's name is Jan Wikonda; were rushed off to quarantine as soon as our families were found to have the virus. The whole preventative measures were a bit useless. The dastardly virus had an incredibly long incubation period. Some biologists guessed as long as a month; the virus killed them for having such a big mouth. Some Biologists thought the way it worked was it was a parasite that fed off of white blood cells. The virus killed them for being so damned snoopy. By the time the time the remaining biologists started working on a cure the virus killed them out of boredom.

I really don't think that's how these things really work....

We live in a secluded area, so we were put into quarantine with 1233 civilians. We were guarded by about 40 guards and doctors. After approximately 1231 of the civilians were dead and 40 guards and doctors were dead, me and Jan walked out of there.

Actually it was more of a crawl. The food had stopped coming about 5 days earlier. At that point about 99% of the world was dead. Humans at least. Everyone else except for 5 rather unlucky species of monkey were immune to it.

I guess God smiled on us and let us live.

I had nothing to do with it. You had some freakish gene which was created by your great^6 grandfather sleeping with his sister. Something similar with Janice but ten times more gross. So I'm not going to get into that.


And I guess he was watching over us.

After the virus had run it's course 99.99999998% of the worlds population died. There really wasn't anyone else to watch...

But Jan and I survived and we left to live in the large town, and God did the place smell.