DIARY OF AN AGOROPHOBIC

DIARY OF AN AGOROPHOBIC

DAY 1
A slice of stale bread and watery tea was all I needed to mar the morning. Behind the velvety light green flowery patterned curtain, the green leaves blended quite beautifully into the light blue and white sky. Certainly another perfect day , except for the Saturday at the shopping mall - if not for the little prison yard I was subjected to called school.

"Dave", Mom called or probably shouted as was her custom of late and even though I was a room away it filtered into my ears like an overburdened camel as if she was beyond earshot.

Eager to get away from the house, I ignored her and shot down the stairs, sliding my hand down the banister and squeezing stealthily through the half-open front door I found myself rolling down the walkway. For an hour, I wandered on aimlessly and unconsciously, strolling laxly past the brisk walking men and women probably late for their works, the non-chalant idlers and gamblers behind the grocery store and at the park, the chattering overly-excited school children most of whom I knew and they recognizing me shouted an hello which I consciously ignored. Granted I wasn’t heading for school and didn’t know where I was going.

Half an hour later found me sitting by the creepers and underneath the tall shelter trees. I sat for hours, doing nothing but watch the lake’s heartbeat as the crooning birds glide merrily over it. Julia’s face was drawn as the waters retreated and surged forth, like a rower who deliberately drew back the oars gently and rushed forward like a deadly hurricane, and her face kept materializing as the circle was been repeated over and over again. Kindness on her part was what endeared her to me.

Late one Saturday afternoon was when I first saw her.
Mom had virtually dragged me to the shopping mall, inside which I retreated behind the unused carts and sobbed my eyes out. Now, Mom knew I was agoraphobic, but she just had to make me come knowing fully well there would be a lot of people there - her motto been 'you don't solve a problem by shying away from it', - so I had to face my problem squarely. Oh how I sobbed and fretted. Panic stricken I was when she laid her small frail hands on my bare arm and wiped the streaming tears with the other, that I couldn't help but gaze at her innocent eyes and roundish red lips as she introduced herself as Julia.

Quietly, I allowed her shower me with all the motherly love and affection her nine year old experience could muster. Reassuringly, she stroke my hair, whispered softly into my little ears and, Oh God, she kissed my forehead tenderly while I rocked against her bare chest like a baby.

"Ssh, it would be alright", she said as she was about to leave.

Time ticked slowly, the gossipy leaves flickered their ears and swayed rhythmically to the direction of any slight sound as I wait for my Julia. Under the shelter of the trees, I fed on the reminisces of the brief moment and couldn't see it was getting dark - dusk was setting rapidly ironically as time ticked away slowly and it seem it was the same with Julia and I, distance setting in between us. Very foolish of me not to have remembered that there was no rendezvous between Julia and I, I had come on the prompt of my instinct - maybe I should go and end this foolishness.

Wait, I hear footsteps approaching, or no, my ears could be playing a trick on me or could it be Julia or hell, my MOM! X-raying the surroundings while I remained glued to my cover, I saw Mom trudge through the creepers as she called my name, although she was a thousandth feet away from where I was, I still couldn't hear her. Yikes, she would skin me if she finds out I spent my whole day not in front of the boring math teacher or the slouchy science teacher or the premises of the school I entered with hysteria and fear filling me to the brim but foolishly with the creepers as I wait for Julia.

Zoo, sorry cage is where animals the likes of me should be kept and I promise I would stay put and not cry as long as Julia would be around to watch over me, I thought as I sneaked behind my Mom and ran all the way home.