Deep Breath/Lifeline

THERE is no dark cloud on the horizon.. there is no catastrophe about to strike. I feel it..believe it..I've found it..

...so this is what a calm sea feels like.

I came to the realization today that my life is finally what it is supposed to be. In just a short time, the man who loves me has given me EVERYTHING he promised he would.

I have a man in my life who was always there, but is now not just my partner in crime but my partner for life. I could always see him in my future, even before I admitted to myself that I loved him and found out that he did, in fact, truly love me back.

Did I think a few years ago that he would be the one who would sweep me off my feet and move me away to a better life?

He has given me everything I never thought I could or would have. This kinda stuff only happens in the movies, doesn't it?

Way too many times I've heard a guy say to a girl "I'll send for you". It usually takes months. For us, it was three weeks. Long enough for him to get his first paycheck, which he used >>in its entirety<< to pay for the plane tickets for me and my three children. It was the longest three weeks of our lives, for we had never been apart for more than 10 hours in the last 2 years. And yes, I was a little scared that things would fall apart. Even though we spoke every single day, twice, and every conversation included the words I miss you, I love You, I can't wait to see you.

When he got that first pay, and called me, I told him I was waiting for the bad news. I was on the verge of tears, shaking, sick to my stomach...waiting for him to tell me that he hadn't made quite enough to send for us just yet. But when he told me how much he had made, it was more than he had made in a MONTH back home.. and he quite happily slapped it all on those plane tickets immediately.
Nervous excitement followed..we had never flown before. we all couldn't wait to see him and start our new life...

And when I saw him coming into the airport, he didn't see me. He was grinning at the sight of the kids playing and beelined for them...and as they leapt up into his arms, deliriously happy to see him, I cried a little. I walked over and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder, trying to tell him how I felt..but I didn't need to, because he knows me, on a deeper level than anyone. We both felt it...

"This is it. This is the real start to our life together. We're here. I missed you. I love you. "

And as we drove through the city that had been his home for three weeks, and mine for less than three hours, we couldn't stop looking at each other, all 5 of us, grinning, and happy, and still in shock.
It hit me then, as I sat in the back of the company truck with my babies, my hand on his shoulder,as he sat up front gazing lovingly back at me -- I just moved across the country to be with this man. We left everything behind...and made the biggest move I had ever made..this was a huge deal.....and I was not afraid, anxious....

It felt...RIGHT .
That seems too simple a word to use to explain it, but when you feel that 'synchronicity', you'll understand.

And the minute we were alone for five minutes, we stood in a tiny room with our arms wrapped around each other so tightly we almost couldn't breathe. he buried his face in MY shoulder this time, and we just held each other. Words not needing to be spoken.. the feelings said it all. The missing piece for three weeks put back into place..standing silently, not wanting to let go in case its just a dream... relieved to be together again...

It still feels right. It will always feel right. My best friend has given me everything I have ever wanted, and it's because he believes I deserve it...and he has made ME believe I deserve it. He wants to share his world with me..spend his life with me...treating me like some sort of goddess..and he brings out the very best in me... it's just...perfect.

Well I guess nobody's perfect. We don't shit rainbows and puke unicorns...but he makes me feel like I can. Like I want to. That whole "cloud nine" thing? It's real.

In four short months of being here, We have a nice house. A truck. A pool. A dog. Good friends. The fridge is always full, we always have money, the bills are paid in full, on time. It may seem trivial to some, but all our lives we have struggled. The first year of our relationship we struggled. Love got us through that, as corny as it sounds, but that love also made us want more out of life..to make life better for each other and those amazing kids...

I told him I would follow him anywhere. Lead the way, baby, I'm there.

He told me there would be no leading and following...hand in hand, side by side, for the rest of our lives.

I AM going to spend the rest of my life with this man. Of that, there is no doubt. I have never loved a man as intensely as I love him. And never been loved back the exact same way.

Although he says he loves me more.

He rescued me as much as I rescued him...and being each other's lifelines...there's no way either one of us could ever bear to cut that rope.
Why would we want to?