a blessed curse(bipolar nightmare)

about 3 years old

I used to be so energetic
I used to always laugh
my smile.. I had to shed it
my world came down on me fast
mental illness is embedded in my genetic paragraph
so all my hope is shredded when the chemicals react
Some of us can't change the direction that we're headed in there's no fate worse than that
but we can't let it win so we vow to fight back


they say I'm Bipolar
unstable emotions a weight on my shoulder
I hate this disorder
I hate it so much
my heart hangs like a boulder
my heads always fucked

But this is who I am
fully equipt with a pen
so I write down my thoughts and try to make sense of them
some times I get lost in the what? why? and when?
and I cut myself off from all of my friends
If I lose focus, its hopeless feeling homeless and rotten
an introvert whos head hurts from the pressure of rock bottom
as bad as it gets my mind will always thrive
cuz I've been a lot worse and I'm still alive

no matter how deep I go
into that rabbit hole
I'll always know that Im in control
It can break down by body and break down my soul
but I'll always know that I'm in control