Falling Violet Petals

              It just started with a daydream when I was a young boy of 6 or 7 and grew to more, I was fairly sleepy at the time and the teacher (For I was at school at the time) was sitting down somewhere while we listened to Harry Potter on tape. Before it happened I was simple picturing what Harry Potter was doing, but slowly my mind and imagination wondered and I started humming a song quietly so no one else would hear.
              It was then that I saw a blonde-haired blue eyed beautiful girl in a daydream with falling petals all around her.  I just stood there as she leaned toward me as if to kiss me, but at that moment I snapped back to reality. The tape was done and I just sat there wondering if I'de see her again, and I did. After that I kept dreaming about the same girl, the dreams were a little different, but it was still her.
              One of the dreams I had of her when I was sad gave me a purpose again, in that dream she was crying on the side of the sidewalk in the rain. I was walking by and I noticed she was sad, I sat next to her opening my umbrella and asked her what's wrong. I don't remember what she said, but I think that she was upset because someone she cared about got in a fight with her.
                The dreams about her all gave me a feeling of belonging even when I had no friends. During the Summer after third grade I got the terrible news, I was moving and none of my friends would be able to come with (Of course), I would even be changing schools! So I became very introverted at this time, hardly talking to anyone and my mind always wandering off somewhere. I kept to myself mostly, at this time and admittedly I became a very irritable person to be around.
                After I moved I started reading about Astronomy and science all the time, I rented a bunch of books about it from the library. It was my form of escape from my life, however after a quarter a year of that I finally noticed a group of kids playing a strange game that looked like role-playing, but it wasn't (It turned out to be Digimon).
                I asked a kid named Cody, who would later become one of my best friends of that part of my life, if I could play with them and he said yes. It was at that point that I decided to introduce them into a different type of game that was similiar to them imagining they were digimon, yet more open ended. We ended up playing lot's of different roleplaying games, from us being secret agents to us being a group of adventurers.
                  A kid named Jarren who recently moved to West Jordan (and who was a power-hungry person when playing role-playing games) ended up being our main bad guy. Anyways, enough about the RPGs we played.
                  Slowly I got a crush on a girl named Sadie Tate in my class, and I thought I loved her. My friend Ian one day asks me who I like and foolishly, like the young child I was at the time, I told him. The next day her and everyone in my class knew and was making fun of me for it...I knew she wasn't the girl from my daydream, but she was cute for her age. I guess my life was trying to give me a lesson that just because something looks nice doesn't mean it really is.
                The lesson worked really well. For a month right after school I would go home, lay down and listen to sad music. Often that made me go to sleep really early, but any rest I could get from life was welcome. I started feeling at this time that I would never truely be loved by a girl my age. My self esteem dropped to a very low spot. I started thinking of myself as fat(even though I wasn't even chubby) and ugly(which I wasn't either), but as a kid even the small things can tear you down that much.
                This was about the time that I had the dream of my Violet crying in the rain, and it did give me back my purpose. My purpose was to find her and cheer her up again. I started being happy again, Cody and Jarren noticed the difference and we kept playing the RPG's as usual. We were often bullied because of it, but we stood up for one another.
                One time Jarren got into a fight with a 6th grader while we were in 5th grade, and I charged in to help him. The 6th grader then picked me up and dropped me on my back, even though it hurt and made me cry I don't regret helping my friend. I finally got the chance to try and be the hero and it fell just as I did. That was the second time I failed at being a hero.
                I've always wanted to be a hero, even before I first saw my Violet. In fact there was this one girl that I always was pretending to be the hero for from back before I can remember to when I was about the age of 8 or 6. Her name was Ilish, and made me worry about her often. She would visit my house and I would visit hers, and my mom was a friend of her parents so our families would go to Classic fun center(Which will always be Classic skating to me) together. Once she even went to my grandparent's cabin up in the mountains with us, while there she was choking on a penny and it scared me to death thinking that she could have died! Luckily though, the penny wasn't stuck long enough. It was my first time I failed at being a hero, despite all my worrying I didn't know how to keep her safe..
                Anyways, once in Jr. high I couldn't find any of my friends and I got it into my mind again that I was ugly and that no girl would ever want to go out with me. Though this time, I wasn't sad. This time it made me spiteful, and I started planning out how to take over the world. Unlike some kids who joke around about that kind of stuff, I had a serious desire to do so. However I didn't have any ill thoughts towards any others, just the world. So when I accidentally hurt one of my friend's friend badly I was tortured, both by the school and by myself. The school suspended me for two months and made me go to anger management (Even though I didn't need it). I spent the two months crying again and reading to try and keep my mind off of it. Then when I finally went back to school most of my friends blamed me for what happened and yelled at me. So I had only a few friends.
                Until I met Amy. I was my usual crazy self around her, in fact once I acted like I was on a date with her when I  barely knew her. It turned out to be very ironic because her future ex boyfriend was in the same room at the time. As I got to know her better, I realized that she was the nicest, funniest, craziest, and most beautiful girl I had seen before. About three months after I realized this, she gave me a note...the 1st note she ever sent to me and a forbidden love note. It said that she loved me, but that she couldn't go out with me because she was already going out with someone else. My reply was that I loved her too, but I would wait for her to break up with him.