WHAT MAKES ME STAY

I never realized just how old fashioned
I really was, until I got married the
second time around at the age of 34

I had been divorced for over 14 years
I had gotten married very young and
honestly come on who knows what
love is at 16, right?

I had this ideal man in my head and
although i was purposed to about 5 times
I never got married to any of them, they
just didn't have what I was looking for
and that was

passion, romance, a family man
the need to be near
me and hold me and kiss me, I wanted
him to miss me during the day and long
to come home to me at night, I wanted
a man that would hold me all night long
and make me feel like I was his everything

Well, I found that man, in 2003, married
him in 2004, he was GOD JUST SIMPLY
amazing! He kissed like no other, and
made love to me like no other ever had
He called me every minute of the day
we would lay in bed and just hold each other
for what seemed like forever

We weren't young lovers in love, God I was 34
when we married and he was almost 40, he
had 5 children and I had 3 and they all lived
with us, yet we always made time for each
other and made each other feel incredible

I used to tell him, that I would cherish every
moment with him, because I just knew it
couldn't possibly last forever, he would laugh
at me and tell me things would never change
He lied, and I knew it

its been about a year now and we have lost
all the we loved about each other, or whither
all that I loved about him, I still love him
but "why do i stay", there is no passion, no
romance, no cuddling or kissing, nothing
just the same ole same ole, every single
dam day

He won't do family things with the kids or I
I have to beg him and then it turns into a
fight and he will go but be pissed off the
entire time, he tells me it's my way of
controlling him

All of our family photos, of the lake and
zoo and pools and party's, he's in none
of them, only me and the kids

This is killing me inside, So what If I
want that DAM fairytale life, SO WHAT
if I want "hopefloats" kinda love
Why is it so hard to be a family
I tried to hold him last night, and he just
turned his back to me and went back to
snoring. I need the man I married back

I understand about change, but come on
after just 4 years, that's bull, shit we should
still be on our honeymoon, not seeking
a divorce attorney

If you see him, will you tell him his wife
misses him and longs to hold him in
her arms the way we did in the beginning



Does "hope really float"?

You tell me!