Take A Step Back Chapter 3

Eighty five pounds was the number on the scale at the beginning of the week. Her drive was greater then before. By the end of the week she weigh in at eighty one pounds. The satisfy feeling was short lived because Rachel looked at herself in the mirror; all she viewed was a fat girl. Sure she had a good week for weight loss but she was nowhere close to Regain. Ragen would always be prettier then her. Rachel didn't want to give up on anything. She was determined to be healthy, pretty and the only way to do that was to be thin.

A morning about two weeks later she got and looked outside to the sight of a blizzard. She knew that her dad wouldn't allow her to go out for a run in such weather. She decided she would just skip breakfast and sneak in a run at her lunch hour at school. She weighed herself in a seventy nine pounds. She was only nineteen pounds away from her goal. She headed into the hallway, lugging her legs along. Today she was feeling really drained out.

She entered the kitchen, dragging her feet, breathing a little bit. She was wobbly when she sat down in front of her dad. She was shocked when her older sister walked in from the living room.

"Hey Tuscany," Rachel called,

"Hey Rachel," she replied, "You up late last night?"

"Yah, I couldn't sleep," Rachel lied

"I'm going to pick you and Natalie up after school," he said, "We are going to see your grandmother at the hospital,"

"So she is not doing any better," Rachel said, shifting her legs. She did feel bad since she totally forgotten about her ill grandmother. "So is Tuscany coming?"

"I'm going to stop by after I'm done my classes," Tuscany said brushing her black hair out of her eyes. Rachel looked at her sister and realized how much she envied her too. She had pretty black hair, brown eyes and was in good shape. Rachel secretly hated her sister because of it. Tuscany could eat, and sit around all day and not gain a pound but if she were too she would gain a lot of weight. Rachel wanted to just relax and eat but that would just make her a useless waste of space. Her parents wouldn't be proud of a fat, waste of space. Rachel needed to gain her self control, her worth and looking good was what she needed to do.

Rachel entered her bedroom. She got dressed for the day. She looked at the clock realizing she would have just enough time to walk to school. She didn't have her daily exercise yet and she was feeling a little bloated the morning. Seeing Tuscany didn't help either. She saw Natalie in the hallway heading for the bathroom. Rachel was relieved that she didn't look this way. The last thing she needed was for her to torment her when she was already feeling bad.

Rachel began her jog to school. At lunch time she ran some more, and afterschool came when her dad picked her and Natalie up and took them to the hospital. After about an hour Rachel was becoming a little agitated.

"What is wrong?" her frail grandmother asked. Rachel looked at her. Her skin was wrinkled, and pale. She looked frail, her grayish brown hair was lifeless, and she was skinny.

"I just want to go for a walk,"

"You went for one this morning,"

"I just like to exercise," Rachel said

"Kevin, she cares about her health," grandmother said "Exercise is good. Natalie should start too she is becoming plump herself,"

"I'm fine grandma," Natalie said a little hurt.

"You look great. You don't need to change," Kevin added noticing the hurt on his daughters face. "Now I think we should get going,"

Rachel looked at them. She felt bad but she agreed with her grandmother. Her sister was fat; she didn't want to become that way. She liked that her grandmother commented on the importance of exercise. Now she wouldn't have to feel bad. That evening at around eight o'clock Rachel went out for a run with a guilt free conscious. That was the best forty minutes of her day.

Days went by where Rachel continued to feel this good feeling. The weight was even slipping away to her standards. She weighed in at seventy six pounds. She was becoming closer to her goal. She was feeling good about herself. She only had sixteen pounds to go and it was becoming harder. She has been feeling a little drained out. Rachel knew that anything worth while came at a price. Even her father said that.

Christmas break was rolling around two weeks later. Rachel was feeling a lot better. She had managed to get down to seventy four pounds. It wasn't the results she wanted but it was defiantly a lot better.

It was the day before Christmas when Rachel up around seven. Rachel just lay in bed with her eyes focused on the ceiling. Pale and barely able to smile, she painfully lifted her head in an attempt to get up. After a few tries she managed to swing her legs to the floor and with her back slumped over drag her legs down the hallway slowly. She entered the bathroom where she looked in the mirror. She looked exhausted, but she just gathered it was because she had only gotten four hours of sleep.

Rachel returned to her room and took a couple sips of her energy drink. It seemed to help her a little. She laid in bed until about eight o'clock when she got up and went to the bathroom to weigh her self. The number surprised her seventy six pounds. She got off and got back on to make sure what she was seeing was true. She had gained two pounds. Rachel remembered she had ate that chocolate, and only ran fifteen minutes yesterday. She was feeling something curdle inside of her. She was neglected herself. She would never be like Ragen if she is gaining weight.

Rachel got up, got dressed, and was outside before anyone said a world. She found herself in a full way jog. She was pushing herself more then before. She was passing houses and high rates. Sweat, and droplets of salty water were falling down her slender cheeks. She kept on trying to even her breathing. Rachel finally gave in and stopped for breath. She looked above her and realized she had ran nearly fifteen blocks without time to breathe. Rachel remembered the chocolate.

Rachel walked to the nearby park and sat behind the bush; the guilt of eating chocolate was haunting her. She hadn't done this in nearly two months and it would only be her third time. She stuck her finger down her throat and vomit went up.

"Why must I be fat," Rachel cried, tears were forming, she kept on forcing her self to vomit. Rachel was holding her stomach, as she lied there and cried. She felt like a failure. How could she had gained two pounds. She worked too hard to lose those. She would have to exercise double to make up on lost time. She got up and began to run again. She ran at a slower pace, but she was still running hard. She passed a few more blocks before she saw her mothers car come.

"Rachel get in," she said. Rachel reluctantly got in to the car.

"What's wrong mother?" Rachel asked

"What are you doing over here?" she asked

"I went out for a run," she said, "I just needed fresh air,"

"And what happened to telling someone where you were going,"

"You were sleeping," Rachel said, "I tended to be home before nine,"

"Well it is nearly ten," she said, "Come on, I need help preparing our family feast tonight,"

"Okay," Rachel said,

Rachel stomach began to gurgle. She was shaking a little. She was tired, and the thought of food haunted her.

"What is wrong?" her mother said making her jump

"I'm tired," Rachel said, "I had a pretty good run," She forced herself to smile. She was staring to feel like she did the morning. Not like the feeling fully went away in the first place. It was getting a little worse.

"At least you are dressing for the weather,"

"I rather not freeze to death," Rachel said then grinned. She didn't want her mother to judge her because she was not the most thin person and she wouldn't understand her need to look good.