if only

If only. There are so many sentences to mark that single phrase from me. I always thought we were happy, that I had given you all that you wanted, but I was so wrong. I do not entirely blame you though, I ignored my instincts because I wanted you to be the one. I kept thinking that all the little wrongs will be made right with time but I was so wrong. You had the last laugh.
If only I had not seen you that day, if only I had ignored you, if only I had said no and kept looking... What good does this do but pile more misery on me ? The clock that I can never take back in time keeps chiming in my head. All the mistakes made that I cannot erase.
I wake up and walk outside. I stand below the sun and look around. However much am hurting, am still alive. You did so many wrong things, you lied alot, you caused me alot of pain and I cried alot of tears but you never broke my spirit. The more I hurt, the stronger I became, destined to fight on and win, and overcome.
I know some pain will never go away but I will live and move to a better place.