6 months

6 months.
when i was little that was such a long time.
now, as i sit in the parking lot,
my head swimming,
unable to stand,
its not enough.

6 months.
half of a year.
the time from my birthday to christmas.
how long it took me to stand on my own.
the time i had left.

6 months.
24 weeks.
168 days.
4,032 hours
241,920 minutes.

6 months.
that's what they had told me.
in there cold, proffesional terms.
my life was going to end.
and they wouldn't shed a tear.
they didnt care.
i hated them.
what did they know?
nothing.
just how to take my world and shatter it.

6 months
i cant stand up.
i cant move.
everything is spinning.
everything is melting.
every thing fades to black.

6 months.
thats the first thing that enters my mind as i wake up.
im in my room.
my bed.
i see my possesions.
the tv.
the mirror,
and the small key to my journal.
i reach for the key and pull my journal from under the mattress.
the page i open up to brings a wave of pain throughout me.
it hurts.
so bad.
but i force my self to read it.
i need to.

Things i want to do before i die:
1. go sky diving
2. see the ocean
3. fall in love
4. sing in a karaoke bar
5. write a book
6. donate all my money to charity
7. hug everyone i know
8. pray
9. spend time with the people i love
10. say goodbye

6 months
knowing my clock was ticking,
the list was meaningless.
when i had wrote it,
i had never expected....
that one day i would have to use it.
but here i sat.
everything crashing down around me.
not knowing what to do.

6 months.
there is nothing like this feeling.
knowing how long you have to live,
and when your going to die.
every minute,
each second,
is like a cherished memory slipping away.
and you cant keep it.
no matter how hard you try,
it slips through your outstretched finger tips,
never returning.
you see all the other people of the world.
doing what they do.
not enjoying their life.
taking it for granted.
they dont say "i love you"
they dont smile.
they long for money.
which gets them where?
they think in there minds,
i got a while.
not thinking,
i could die tomorrow.

6 months
that's all i have left.
then my time is up.
then im done.
my life will be over.
just like that.
just another person.
one more soul,
passing on.
no one will miss me.
no one will cry.
not a single tear will be shed that day.

6 months
thats what they said
is it foolish to hope?
i no longer crave money.
i no longer crave attention.
i no longer crave love.
i crave life.
the one thing i can't have.

6 months
so little time
so, so very little
i grab the red sharpie from my dresser
and put a big X over my list.
and right in big letters:

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1.MAKE SOMEONE APPRECIATE LIFE
2.MAKE A DIFFERENCE
3...LIVE

i have one week left now
and i had to get my list finished.
but im so weak.
its so hard to get things done.
so i wrote this.
i hope i have made you appreciate life.
i hope i have made a difference in your life.
i have lived.
but i can't any longer.
so please
please.
live every second.
smile every minute.
live every day like its your last.
because one day, i have found out,
it will be.