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How can you let yourself get duped? You are a true dumb ass. You know what he did last time and you let it happen again. You let him take what he wanted. You are so stupid, so naive and gullible. How the hell did you let him get on top of you and force himself inside you?

  You are a true slut, he didn't take it, you gave it to him. You let him take control because you opened yourself to him. You opened yourself to what you know he could do, then things got out of hand. Out of hand, nothing got out of hand, you let him. If he forced you, you would have fought harder. Are you wondering why I am so hard, huh? Well, hell you knew he did this years ago. Now he did it again. You are the one who let him under you guard, because you were lonely.

  Loneliness doesn't make you make stupid decisions. You may have enjoyed that tongue on that pussy,huh, but now you regret that pleasure. I myself  wouldn't even call it pleasure. You wanted to cum without the dick that's all that was and didn't want to give up the ass for the dick. You are so stupid some woman you are. Letting some damn rabbit force fuck you, hah.

No wonder you can't keep a man, the one thing you can give him is a piece of ass. Your brain went out of the other side of you pussy. And you wanted to write about something sweet that went on between the two of you. How the fuck, you know all the things he has done to you. Now you want try and be friends with him.

You are a true asshole. Your intuition should have told you he had up his sleeve, but you didn't listen did you, did you? You dumb bitch, whore, slut, now your dumb ass is scared of a man's touch. Dumb bitch it must have felt good for you not to call the police.

The only reason why he did it was, because you said you were in love with someone else. He just wanted what the other had. Something you wasn't giving to him. You heard how was begging, how he was touching on you legs and thighs. Then the oral sex, you shouldn't even let him go that far. You asked for everything you got; a stiff dick and a wet ass with cum in your mouth. Now you feel nasty, feel like something crawling all over your body. You feel lost and alone, well you are.

You can't cry, can't go and wash until you feel clean. You are the one who went with him. You knew his past just because he has a child from you means nothing. You are the dumbest most stupidest piece of shit I have ever seen. I hope now you feel better, you probably got some kind of disease and he's skating free as a bird.
 
Poor excuse, poor, poor excuse, now once your man finds out, it won't be long before you and him go your separate ways.

  You are already on the brink, but once he finds out he's going to tell you to hall ass. Want to cry? Well bitch you can't you bought this on yourself. Stupid female compliments got him where he wanted to be, and what he wanted. You showed him how weak minded you could be ,how needy you could be. You are a sorry good for nothing tramp, just a fat sorry bitch with a wet ass and nothing to show for it.

You just sat there, you didn't lash out. You just sat there like some weak puppet to be played with. You are so stupid to put yourself into this situation in the first place.
How did it feel? How did it feel to have that rusty, crusty, swiveled up dick inside you, huh? He came inside you, his whole dick was deep inside and filled your ass up.

Did you ever wonder why his wife is going to leave him? Did you ever wonder why his women left him? You knew, you stupid bitch, that he was below your trust, but you had to go with him anyway, and look what happened.

      (The next day at your boyfriend's house)

You should have never told him anything. He doesn't believe you, just like I told you. He is no different than the other. You thought he was going to stand up for you, only in your vivid imagination. You know damn well he's no knight in shining armor. you are so fucking stupid, men stand with each other especially the ones who've had the some piece. You are a true idiot to tell him what happen with you. He's laughing at you because he knew all the time. Get up and leave you fool, he thinks you fuck him. Grow up he doesn't give a damn about you or you safety.


There are events in our lives, we wish we could change but can't. There are wrongs we've done, we wish we could go back and right. Some of these events cut us so deep and cause so much anguish that the wounds never heal.

At first I wrote this to ease my mind and heart about what happened to me some weeks ago. But now I see it didn't ease my heart at all, because I am still hurting. Apparently, I just put those painful feelings in a small pocket deep within the "these  feelings need to stay where they are" place of my heart.

I didn't know these feelings was so close to the surface until I recently started having nightmares about what had happened. I see now that these feelings need to come out and show their faces. so both my mind and heart can be at ease and I can go on with my life.

I really didn't want to put this in earlier, because I didn't know if I could hand it.

That night ( please bare with me)

How can you yell at me?
It wasn't my fault.
Don't yell at me.
He hurt me! Hurt me!
I didn't want this. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't make him get up.
Help me, he's hurting me! He's on top of me and he won't get up!
Stop, please! Please get up! Please you hurting me, it hurts don't please!
Please let me up! Get up!
No please I didn't ask for this! Get up please! I won't say anything I promise just get up!
Why....Why are you doing this?  Let my arms go please!
Oh my god, let me go home. I promise I won't tell, please!
Oh god my won't he stop!

( I started crying and couldn't write anymore. I took his name out of certain lines that why it might sounds a little overboard)

Later: A week later

How can you let this happen to me? Why didn't you warn me? I wasn't duped, you enjoyed his company just like I did. Stop calling me names. I didn't make you do anything you did want to do. You enjoyed the memories he brought back. I know I enjoyed the feelings he brought back. Even the friendship that was once there.

This is not my fault, you had just as much to do with this as I did. My intuition: what about you? Your alert alarms was going off. What about you? Yes I want to go wash and scrub him away from me but you won't let me. You just won't let me ease this off me. Let me cry, let me yell, let me moan. Why is that? Did you like it?

I know I did something foolish, but you can't blame alone. How can you say something like that? How can you say I wanted to held down and penetrated forcibly? How can you bring you self to sat something so mean and evil?

If I'm weak so are you. You could have fought harder, too. You could have screamed but you didn't. You could stopped him when he started touching on all over you legs and thighs. Oh, didn't forget about you breasts, too. You could have stopped him before he got there.You enjoyed the oral sex just as much as I did.

Stop whaling, stop yelling at me, stop calling me names, stop being so self righteous and stop being such a hypocrite. You act like I don't feel your pain, I do. You act like I don't feel your anger, I do. I know it was my fault by trusting him as far as I did, but you are just as much to blame.

We wouldn't be in this mess if it wouldn't have been for you.You and your wanting to remember the past. You say me but it was you. You are the only one who wanted to preserve the memories of you time together.


*Some things I think you should know*

I never thought he would do something like this a second time. The first time was my fault, because I had no control over myself and the things I was doing. So as it says in the Bible forgive all transgressions. So I forgave him and went on because of the life in my womb. But this time it's on his head. This time he has to live with the guilt of what  he has done.

I think the good Lord sometimes let bad things happen so you can see things clearer and to make you stronger in faith and spirit to face whatever he has for you to do. I think that's why this has happen to me a second time, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

Someone on the WDC asked a question quote " Will you heal from writing this?" Yes, I am healing with prayer and taking the days one at a time, but sometimes I look at my child and think what a fool I was. My daughter was the result of that first rape, and he was my boyfriend. So I did what I thought was right. With each day that goes by my baby looks like him and it gets harder and harder.

Don't think bad about me because I love my angel princess. She's bright, beautiful and innocent to what her father did, but I see him in her. My dislike of him grows and I don't want to blame her for something she had nothing to do with.

This is why I wrote the above to ease my mind and heart to let the love grow stronger between mother and daughter.