Depression

Everyday I wake up, I try to be thankful
I thank God for the things I have
The blessings that I know are on the way
I try to put on my grown-up face and push on
Suck it up and move on as Drill Sergeant used to say
These are techniques I learned after reading the secret
Attracting positive things in my life
Blocking out all negativity
No one knows how hard it really is
Everyday waking up alone
The ache in my heart at times is unbearable
But I try not to claim negative energy
The song says encourage yourself
Allot of times, easier said than done
I wish I could just lie in the bed all day
Eating ice cream watching waiting to exhale
But there are bills to pay the baby has gotta eat
I touch my feet to the floor as I feel the dark cloud follow me
I try to open up but it’s too hard
Too many people point the finger without knowledge
Judging what they don’t understand
The pressure overwhelms me
I just don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I’m asking for
Before I let self pity take over I pause to remind myself
Someone always has it worse than me
Don’t you know how blessed you are
I try to push my chin up and fight through it
Depression is a tricky thing
Especially when you have to put on your armor everyday
Fighting the dragon of reality
When no one has the power to hurt you like your friends
I do this everyday and make it look good at the same time
Holding it together for the one who waits at home
Unaware that I’m holding on by the skin of my teeth
Call me selfish but at the end of the day, I just want to be loved
More than anything as Jill says” like everyone else does”
Loneliness and despair sit at my kitchen table
Waiting at 5 am as I come down the stairs
They say good morning as I turn on the coffee pot
They ask how sadness has been keeping me company
They know he sleeps beside me at night
That’s where my husband should be
I snap out of this by saying,” my negative thoughts are weak and my positive thoughts are powerful”
Affirmations only work if you believe
It’s just hard sometimes when you do it alone
Trying to pretend you are okay
When your soul screams for someone to rescue you
Like a tree falling in the forest
No one hears the sound
Stepping out into the battlefield every morning
Facing the world alone
No one feels my pain
Sometimes I just want it to be over
But my conscience won’t leave me alone
Reminding me of the consequences of this sin
Who will be there for her then?
So I hold my head up and smile through
Suffering on the inside
With each passing day I loose faith
That I can be loved, that someone cares
That someone will be there through the fire
Wishing I could go somewhere safe
Wishing you wanted me
As I eat spoonfuls of regret everyday
I think I’m all out of tears
Because once again: everyday I wake up alone
And it’s the same way when I get home