All My Love

Chapter One: Heightened Sense of Euphoria

Do you ever get that feeling? The feeling where you need; no, crave someone so much that in the end you’ve convinced yourself that you actually have a chance with them? And in some way you’ve also convinced yourself that your feelings are reciprocated. The things you want, the things you need, the things you crave… when it all comes down to what’s said and done, you know there is little to keep you from doing whatever it takes, to get what you desire most.

It was nearing three in the morning as Emily lay awake again, staring up at the moonlight that flooded in through the window; that danced on the ceiling. Emily sighed, exhaling in a huff as Jonathan moved beside her, but didn’t stir. How many nights had this gone on for? Weeks, months, years even… Emily staring up at the ceiling, Jonathan snoring soundly beside her, but there was, of course, more to it than that, there always is.     

Things had started off wonderfully, any girl would have given their left arm to have their marriages turn out as well as Emily knew hers had. When he proposed, she could have sworn she was the happiest girl alive, although be it as it may, the man she was marrying was not the person who truly held her heart, and she knew deep down that one of the reasons Jonathan had indeed proposed was because of the ever growing baby bump she had… which only resulted in a miscarriage months later. The miscarriage had hit both of them really hard and it took months before Emily could bare to even be semi intimate with her husband. 

And it was that Jonathan had always noticed and loved the twinkle of her eyes, always. He even mentioned them in part of his vows to her. Only now, he still loved it just as much, but he never realized that the spark he loved so much was no longer there. The wrinkles on her forehead, the laughter lines on her cheeks, deep dimples and twinkling eyes… he looked and he still saw only what he wanted to see and didn’t dare accept the fact that Emily’s emerald green eyes no longer twinkled, sparked, laughed like they used to. That her happy demeanor had become reduced to a shell, merely shielding her body, mind and heart from hurt and unwanted questions.

Emily glanced down at her wedding ring that she was twisting around her finger, what was once a symbolization of their ‘undying love’ was now left shimmering on her finger, as a reminder of all the empty promises, heartache and misunderstandings a girl could bear… and in this case, not. Staring up at the ceiling for the millionth consecutive night, watching the patches and patterns of moonlight dance about the room, she was going to do this, Emily breathed a sigh of relief as her feet hit the floor…

~*~ 

Rolling over onto his stomach, Jonathan’s eyes fluttered open to the person sleeping next to him. The same person that has been sleeping next to him for the past four years of marriage. Only this time, they widened in slight surprise instead of delight upon seeing her slumbering form because that same form wasn’t there. Jonathan chuckled as he felt Emily’s side of the bed, ice cold, the games the little redhead liked to play never ceased to amuse him. Sitting up and slipping into a pair of slippers Emily had gotten him for Christmas one year, he started to make his way downstairs for breakfast, as Emily often liked to surprise him with his favorite dish. Especially on a day like today, he thought, smiling to himself as he quickened his pace—their four year anniversary—when he halted abruptly in his steps.

Something had caught his eye, a glittery something that he knew all too well—Emily’s wedding ring. Jonathan’ hand shook as he picked up the piece of jewelry that symbolized their love, Emily never took it off unless it was absolutely necessary and she certainly wouldn’t have forgotten to wear it on their four year anniversary. That’s when he saw it, the hurriedly scribbled note, written on crisp stationary paper. It wasn’t a long tear-filled goodbye, emotional apology or even a detailed explanation. ‘Twas just cold, hard, finality settling in the pit of Jonathan’s stomach as his heart fell through his ribs. In the familiar sprawl that was Emily’s, Jonathan’s few, solemn tears blotted over the ink, over the words he knew were eventually inevitable.

I can’t do this anymore, you and I both know that we were never falling in love, merely falling apart; as I am sure you too, can understand Jonathan.
                                       Emily

Jonathan nodded to himself, and the emptiness around him as he picked up the letter and ring. The man with the ruffled black hair, a heavy heart and a sympathetic understanding, dropped them in the wastebasket on his way out.