BIPOLAR SCHIZOPHRENIC SEEKS BALANCE

          I'm not sure exactly what I'm wanting to write so I figured I'd let it pour out as I went along. I'm not used to writing & posting publicly about my struggle with mental illness.
          I've been diagnosed since 2000 with major depressive disorder. Later in 2005, another doctor added bipolar disorder and schizophrenia to the list. I've tried therapy many many times without success. I even voluntarily admitted myself twice to a psych. ward at one hospital--another ward against my wishes the last time. And, I've been shoved this medication and that one. Sometimes taking multiple meds at once. Nothing has worked, plus, I truly hate taking pills with a passion. One medication (that treats both of the latter illnesses previously mentioned in one shot) I took two summers ago caused me to black-out in the shower. My shower is a walk-in and has slate-type tile throughout. Well, I slammed my forehead into an outer corner and literally cracked my skull. I still have an indentation by the hairline on my forehead. After that, I quit. I stopped taking any medications, seeing doctors, or anything related to that industry. Enough was enough and I got tired from chasing my own tail.
          Lately, I've been on a rollercoaster with bipolar episodes. Winter months seem to cause frequent changes like this for me. Does this occur for anyone else, too? My family physician tried to get me to get back on meds & all that back in Oct. '07. She told me that she was impressed at how well I'd been doing w/o mental help and having quit using meth [my way of self-medicating according to my Dr.] on my own freewill--which I'm extremely proud of. She told me that with winter approaching,"I'd most likely would lose my grip on my bootstraps." I didn't really pay much attention to her advice then. Now...I'm edging toward contacting a different psychiatrist to see what he'll suggest. I'm not quite there just yet though.
          So, here I am on yet another bipolar upswing. It's great to be on the up-side, though. I love it actually. I feel alive, creative, normal, and happier. When I finally top the hill and start down....ugghhh! Sometimes, I'll speed down the other side fast and be depressed for a month or more. I hate when that occurs but, I'll be more receptive to seeing a psych. again for help which is good. (I guess) Anyhow, I don't want to dwell on all that right now.
          I'm going to end my "session" for the time being. I really need to move away from this desk for awhile. My legs are stiffening up...I've only been online for the past few hours is all! If anyone decided to read this, please please leave me feedback. I really want to know what fellow writers think about my "ramblings & such". I would greatly appreciate your time for reviewing. Thanks!