Bear Attack

UN EDITED STRIAGHT FROM THE ANCIENT TEXTS OF BABYLON

  Before the bears organize and take over the world with their huge teeth, some things must be accomplished.  Every person must have Bear Attack Escape plans and personal training.  That could include advanced knife fighting( or knife fighting 101 depending on availablilty).  Another good option would be cage fighting.  Just in case the bears decide to force the human slaves into battle.

  Every home should have most of these items listed:
    1. Huge net.(to confuse, catch, and entangle bears)
    2. Lots of canned food.(farming with bears on the prowl can be dangerous)
    3. Can opener.(Thank God I reminded you right?)
    4.  Fresh water.(Old water just won't cut it.)
    5. Knife.(for men who have taking the proper classes)
    6. A large rifle. ( for women because they are weak)
    7. Bear suit.(How could this not be a genius idea?)
    8.  A pair of cymbals.(I hear bears do not like loud noises, if it turns out they do, give cymbals to your neighbors)

  After the initial month of bear take over.  Decide whether to try and join the bear cause or kill yourself.  See if you can make a deal with the Bear King, possibly trade your fleshy, white meated children for freedom from bear slavery.  A last choice would be to challenge the Bear King to a one on one fist fight.  Dont worry about fighting too dirty, because bears are the dirtiest fighters known in the universe.  If you end up beating him, you are the new Bear King!  Congratulations!  Have mercy on my family!