Lessons I Learnt in the Kitchen

Einstein failed mathematics as a kid. Edison found 99 ways of how not to make a light bulb.

I, if I may, have suffered a similar fate - except in the kitchen. I have a learnt a lot in there. Experience, my own and others' has taught me, perhaps, the most important of life's lessons. I have listed just a few of them below:

1.  Being an avid viewer of BBC Food really does not guarantee that you cook like a master chef. No, it doesn't.

2.  Your desserts will never be as good as those of James Martin. You will never be invited to cook for royalty. You should also drop all hopes of ever hosting your own cookery show. Seriously.

3.  Sheer passion is scarcely enough to cook a decent meal. You need skills.

4.  Patience, inexhaustible patience, is of the utmost importance.

5.  The most loving of family and pets will refuse to eat your unsuccessful culinary 'delights'. Ensure that your kitchen is equipped with a huge dustbin at all times.

6.  Check your kitchen appliances before using them, for God's sake! They can be most unloyal at all the wrong times.

7.  Your culinary renditions may look the exact picture of discolored innards, mould and muck. Therefore, be prepared for drastic outcomes.

8.  You cannot, just cannot, look as good as Nigella while you're cooking. Understand that you will sweat, cry and look almost like an accountant while you're at it.

9.  You may also smell of garlic and onions, which, when combined with perspiration and sundry other smells, is rather unpleasant.

10.  Having the pizza delivery guy's number can be a real lifesaver. Oh yeah.

If you've been smiling the goofy smile as you were reading these, well, the only comfort you can have is that you're not alone. We all travel in the same, uh, gravy boat.

However, no one says we can't keep trying. After many teeth-grinding, hair-pulling, cursing incidents, you just might learn to make caramel pudding, cheese filo, beef daube or whatever it is you want to cook, and pronounce it too.

After all, Einstein and Edison are now regarded as masters in the fields they initially failed. Now I am not saying you're the next Jean Christoff in-the-making, but yes, given some time and lots of work, you can be on your way to being a decent chef.

So don your chef hats and coats, be armed with your ladles and pans, keep your recipe books close and cook away! Good Luck!