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Rated: E · Fiction · Thriller/Suspense · #1372272
This is just a short piece i have started and would like some feedback please.
It was 3.30am on a cold, frosty November night. The figure crept silently along the street. The street lights gave off little glow, they just managed to cast shadows along the hedgerows and walls of the houses. This is where the figure remained almost invisible, blending with the dark.
Up ahead was a little terrace of three houses. They were all well maintained, perfectly cut lawns and pretty little flower borders.
The figure edged its way into the last house and crossed the lawn. It moved very stealthily up the side of the housed where it came to a stop outside a small window.
From under its long black raincoat it took a crowbar. Little puffs of breath escaped its mouth as its breathing quickened.
With very little effort it slid the crowbar under the wooden frame of the window and slowly began to prise the window open.
It waited for just a few seconds then with the agility of a cat it jumped onto the ledge and through the window.
The room was warm, in comparison to the bleak night outside. A small nightlight burned on the bedside table. It cast a glow over the tiny form that lay curled up in the bed sleeping. The little girls breathing was deep and she had a pretty smile on her face as she enjoyed a peaceful and happy dream.
The figure stood for about five minutes and watched the little girl, it was transfixed.
The little girl stirred as the figure neared her bed. It was towering over her when she opened her eyes.
Her terror and confusion were evident as she jumped up in the bed. Unfortunately she didn’t have time to scream, because as she opened her mouth the figure covered it with a tissue soaked in chloroform.
As her body went limp, the figure lifted it and with the little girl in its arms it exited through the window as silently as it had come.
In the next room her parents slept soundly, oblivious that they had just lost their baby.
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