Beatrice Goes Commercial

Bea Goes Commercial!


Though Bea’s eyes flew open, 
the sight wasn’t right.

See, the color TV was left playing all night.

Not that she noticed for all that she channeled
was inside that TV console completely wood-paneled.

Beatrice grinned, her head stuffed with inanity.
Leaving her pillow - the Height of insanity!

Now Bea was the sort of a latchkey type kid with a single Mom who worked like, all the time  Dad was a phantom, a sad story of bastitudity and bad manners. 

He’d left when Bea was almost three, and she did remember him, but chose not to speak of it to anyone.  She told everyone he was dead from a bad shrimp.  (His girlfriend was short.)

Mom was pretty messed up too, but Bea liked her, maybe loved her.  She was too much like an older sister who went away to college tho’.


And every school night she could view with impunity, ‘cause - 
from homework and testing she’d wangled immunity.

With no one around she would watch all the shows,
not caring bout schoolwork ‘cause in the next row

. . .was Darnell, who made sure her grades were top notch,
It only took one little bottle of Scotch.  (per month)

‘Cause Darn was a hopped up computer type kid.
Hacking the ‘puter was all that he did.

The booze, for his Dad, was a fete a complete
So he could keep hacking and not have to eat (or anything).
Bea’s Mom,  ‘La Sandy" 
got her a great television.
So, with time on her hands, there was not much decision;

Only which channel to call to her gaze,
With Cable and Telestar beaming its rays...

[Sandra Beeman, could get her these elements,
Because of her job with a bigwig embezzler.]

So when Beatrice woke and lay there in bed,
She made up her mind - her mission was clear -

She’d simply find all of those channels in there!

And now little readers  such is our fate,

We must now take time for a commercial break.


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------


You know Todd, I‘ve always said the Only way to rid a room of stale pet odors
is to rid the room of stale pets.
But sometimes, this just isn’t possible.
Not with certain pets.  These pests, I means pets, not only refuse to
leave, but will continue to smoke a cheap cigar!
In such cases, I insist that you try new ‘I can’t believe it’s a pet deoderant’

In roll-on or spray, in floral, musk or new Gucci loafers.

And now, back to our story...
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, Back to Bea laying there, still in her bed
she pondered the shows with the sheets on her head.

She’d never watched TV while sleeping before.
The people and products - contentment galore.

In fact Mom shut it off, when she’d came in the door.

But it was too late, she’d been out on a bender
to chat up her boss with more money to lend her.

it  was  just  toooooooo  l a t e  !!


Because Late night  is different..............
Ha ha ha haaaa.

The cathodes, that light that comes out of the set
Had played with her brainwaves, I'll make you a bet.

Now dreamers and snoozers, insomniacs and all
Know late night TV's like a really bad mall.

Selling you gizmos, and cure-alls and bunk;
Spaghetti detanglers and most of all, Junk!

Commercials get longer with breaks for the show,
Telling you what sponsers want you to know.

The mood when they catch you - you’re not quite yourself -
and suddenly welding is good for your health!

Billy from Fromsy made killing his life,
when Visa was touching him more than his wife!

They’re begging you, "Call us, don’t sleep - waste of time!
It’s all guaranteed, it won’t cost you a dime!"

Just give us that number, the one on your card!
Buy sharp sets of knives and cut off your lard!


Operators Are Now Standing By,
they’ll treat you like family, they’d never lie!

You’ll be the thinnest, most well-endowed  caller,
Buy a new mattress, a zinc melon baller.

She had to get to them, those people in there
her world was expanding, lighter than air.

The tube closed around her,
It felt kind of wet.

The first thing she saw was some kind of a set.

‘Fill up her glass’ said the guy in the chair.
‘Get her some glasses and fluff up her hair.

‘Now say it with feeling, kid.  You NEED this stuff!’

Bea just looked down into the glass and saw bubbles and what looked like tiny fish with glasses.  She was definately not going to drink what was in the tumbler.

‘What’s going on?  Who is this mess?
Tear up her contract, take her her dress!’

Bea was on the set of a commercial, but she didn’t like it and saw what looked like a crazy, jumbled shopping center with floor after floor going up, up, up...

When Bea walked out she was swooshed around good,
(This wasn’t your ordinary neighborhood.)

The first thing she saw when to this place
Were girls in tight outfits, earnest looks on their face.

Their answer it seemed to life’s toughest questions
Was calling some number on a rear projection.

‘Dateline’ is easy!  "Dateline’ is fun!
Be sure to remember us to your first born son!


Her mind was still clogged at the end of her shower
At breakfast she pondered her cereal's power -
the reason she walked at this ungodly hour
was due to 'Crispolas!' with reinforced flour.


The cathods, that light that comes out of the set
Had played with her brainwaves, that much you can bet!


But her mind was made up and her mission was clear -
She had to find all of those channels in there.

So - - - - - -

She got on her Honda,  ala Peter Fonda,
Going further each day - the Westerly way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~     

"Who conjured up this incurable mess?
"Tear up her contract! Rip off her dress!

....and more to come: the End.