Roller Coaster - RSD

RSD - stands for Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. It is a chronic pain illness involving the nervous system of the body. The pain that comes with RSD is a burning continual pain that requires heavy medications such as what I presently live on which is lyrica and oxycontin, just to get through the day. The body sets up a "pain loop" after an injury (for mine it was simple arthroscopic knee surgery) or surgery or trauma, that never stops and is completely disproportionate to the initial injury/surgery. The brain then begins a chronic pain loop as it sends swelling to the site, which when that doesn't work, the brain then sends cold, or hot...in a never ending cycle of trying to heal it. The nerves are in a constant state of agitation and pain, causing burning, pain, muscle loss, skin disorders (skin becomes shiny and thin), bone loss, etc. Paula Abdul of American Idol fame has come forth noting that she suffers with this disease. It can cause crippling and deformity. I am blessed that I am able to walk and have not have those strong side effects of the disease, only the pain and swelling. Every night my entire leg turns purple. Even having fabric touch it at night is extremely annoying. There is no cure for RSD. Our only hope is that it will one day go into remission, though no one knows how or why that happens. That is my story of RSD. This is my poem about what it's like to have RSD and to hope that it will one day go into remission.

ROLLER COASTER - RSD


Oh twisted roller coaster
I have been propelled
to live upon

destined to this
contorted fate
not of my own volition
nor deservedly

no fun ride
this roller coaster

RSD

Reflex

attacking at will
deceiving my psyche
into thinking
though drug induced
recovery may dwell upon the horizon
and that one day
we will stop at the station
where I will depart
at last
to grab my shiny prize...
remission

Sympathetic

chugging chain
to the crest
the sound tortures my brain
as it abandons me
on the opposite side
to another day of pain

Dystrophy

Destined to remain
forever strapped
to this wicked  ride
praying for
moments of peace

I am
a prisoner
of it's clutches

comfort  may
come at any time
and just as quickly fade
to be replaced
by searing pain
spreading
and flashes of insane heat
damp sweat
spasms
leg burning
arms aching

and yet it starts again
could it be at last?
this time on the
up side
of the
Roller Coaster RSD

Reflex

sunny day
happy ride
pain subside
drugs are working
just for today
I anticipate a visit with
my former self
(the one who doesn't ride the coaster)

Sympathetic

hope wells up within
this is it (excitedly)
could
healing come at last?
Does the shiny prize (remission)
at last arrive into
my hand?

Dystrophy

dash it all to hell
the chugging chain begins
back at the wretched drop point

for that fleeting moment
I thought I held the prize
but alas
my palm lay empty

for
this ride RSD  never ends

hope ever remaining
some shiny dangling object
whizzing by it with each lap
teasing me
well out of reach
passing it over and over
with each twist and spiral
of the

Roller Coaster

God 
if this be your will
that I am destined to ride
I know you will be at my side
and one day I pray
You will take me to the station.