Tired, hungry writing.

There are many things in life I am capable of.  There are a great many things that I have never tried before.  And even still there are just as many things that I am unable to do.  I could never stay upset with you for more than a day.  But in all actuality I could only be angry until I spoke to you.  Something about your voice and various other effects caused a calmness inside of me.  It made everything okay.  I didn't hurt anymore.  I didn't worry.  I was in the moment.  A moment I never wanted to fade away or even become anything close to a distant memory.  I've always thought of myself as "unstoppable".  Not in a physical sense.  But I never thought that I could or would fail at anything that I tried.  It just wasn't possible.  That was my outlook on the world when I was so very small.  I wish that I could say the same to this day.  I am capable of feeling every human emotion.  We all are, or so that should be the case.  Sometimes not.  I've felt quite a few so far in my lifetime.  There are some things that I have always wanted no matter how far back into my memory and time I go.  A wife.  Three kids.  A home for my family.  To be the best possible friend.  To be dependable, reliable.  To allow people to open up to me and share some of their deepest thoughts.  Relate to them and give them comfort.  Save the people I know from the feeling of being alone and complete hopelessness.  Be the greatest father and husband that anyone has ever seen.  I want to be the family that people are jealous of because they are so "perfect".  I want my children to know that they can come to me at any time and no matter what, I will be there for them.  The world can wait because they are a part of me and a creation of the deepest love.  Those are just a few things that come to mind at the moment.  But above all of those things, there is one thing that I want with every ounce of my being.  A love unrestricted.  Built with emotions indescribeable.  Completely pure and beautiful.  Something that truly portraits the word "Love".  A sight that people can see and say, "Wow, that's love".  Who really knows if that kind of thing exists or not.  As of right now, I am unable to get certain thoughts out of my mind.  I don't really know what love is.  I don't think that I've ever felt that way towards anyone.  Well, there is one person.  But I am far too afraid to admit to it if it is not destined to be.  I'm a coward.  I think I do.  I hope I do.  I suppose sometimes we just have to trust ourselves and accept the feelings we have.  Consider this the second step I have taken today.  Another attempt.  More effort.  I'm actually going to try for the first time in many years.  With that said, it is time to take a leap of faith and trust myself.  I hope you know what you're doing.  Yes, I really do love you.  Everything was honest and for once I meant every word that I said.  It wasn't just to make you smile, though I would never tire of it.

This is the kind of writing I do after too many hours without sleep and only a plate of spiral noodles to eat since my waking.  Opinions are always welcome though.  Message me if you don't want to comment or just to talk to me.