Wacky Watanabe's Party Kit

Dear Mr. Watanabe,

Thank you for sending your Wacky Watanabe's Party Kit overnight from Japan in time for our son‘s fifth birthday party. Though we were pleased with the express delivery, you can imagine our shock and surprise when we opened the box and found not Space Cowboys Party Kit #78915, but Raunchy Bachelorette Party Kit #78913. Josh, the birthday boy,  took one look at the collection of decorations and exclaimed, "Pee-pees!" and it took several hours of coaxing to convince him that we could not throw a Pee-Pee Party for him and his friends.

After a few anxious minutes, a long-distance phone call (Again, I apologize for calling your home in the early hours of the morning. In my haste to fix the situation, I forgot to consult a table of international time zones. Your wife sounds lovely. And whatever it was she was saying in your language, it sounded quite melodic.), and a quick visit from Mr. Jack Daniel, my husband and I decided to make the best of the mistake.

You see, the package arrived just three hours before the party (not counting the fact that Mrs. Janet Barrasso always arrives at least fifteen minutes early to every party I give) and I don't know how much you know about America, but here in Casper Mountain, Wyoming, we're not exactly close to a party supply store.

With some fast thinking and a last-minute trip to the local elementary school for some supplies, we managed to turn the hanging lanterns into rocket ships with a heavy application of paint and glitter. Though I fear the pairs of "booster rockets" were still a bit too rounded, and slightly fuzzy.

The prophylactics were the easiest transformation, and I must say, we've never had party balloons last quite that long before. The kids were particularly pleased to find that some smelled like peppermint, while others glowed in the dark. The only small hiccup was that Robbie Kneeman insisted on licking the "balloons"  on the gazebo, saying they tasted like banana. Fortunately for us, he tends to put everything in his mouth, so his mother didn't notice a thing.

The games were a bit trickier, but with a bit of paint we came up with a serviceable mushroom shape onto which the kids pinned a pair of "eggs." We were pleased to find that five-year-olds are easily enough distracted not to ask why "eggs" would be hiding under a tall mushroom stalk at all.

Oddly enough, the handcuffs and whips dovetailed nicely with the Space Cowboys theme, and the girls in the group were especially excited to have their own furry, pink handcuffs for chasing down evil alien invaders. And after laying down a white bed sheet, the kids used the body paints to create a UFO mural that washed right out when we were done (and left the sheet smelling like chocolate and cherries, which my husband quite appreciated).

We served the cake in slices to disguise the shape, and it was surprisingly good, considering it came all the way from Asia. The cream filling was a hit with the parents until Helen Kneeman found a small, metallic ring in her end slice. I had to claim it was one of my earrings in order to avert suspicion about the mysterious "cake ring."

The only item that couldn't be salvaged for the party was the Mr. Reliable Bendable Blow Up Doll. His plastic body was just too slippery -- the cowboy clothes kept falling off  of him. So instead, I will be using Mr. Reliable to demonstrate CPR at the Community Center this Wednesday. (With a pair of my husband's boxer shorts over his unmentionables, of course.) There is also a plain box in the kit marked "rabbit" that we assume is a holiday decoration, and are saving until Easter.

In short, Mr. Watanabe, though the party was a touch-and-go for a time, it came off fairly well. I‘m writing today, not for a refund, but to see if we can buy a case of the Berry Britches Edible Underwear included in the kit. Josh likes these better than the traditional fruit roll ups, and it's the only way we can get him to eat five servings of fruit a day.

Eagerly waiting for your reply,

Tina Beckstead