Hopelessly gone

I looked straight into the mirror,
To find that it revealed,
This sick twisted sucker,
I wasn't sure was even real.

I took another look around,
And it was then, that I could see,
It was my father standing there,
And he was glaring back at me.

I spoke sternly to the man,
That called himself my dad.
Asking him to go away,
Telling him not, to get all mad.

He continued staring deeply,
With a blank look in his eyes.
And for a few short moments,
He looked like me, in disguise.

"I remember truly loving you,
And defending you to no avail."
"But what was the use in trying,
If you didn't care whether or not you failed."

He spoke softly over my shoulder,
His voice shattering with fear.
"Son, you know I love you,
And you know that's why I am here."

"I loved you more then life itself,
But you were taken so far away."
"There's not a day I didn't think of you"
"There was not a day, I did not pray."

"The pain was an unbearable mass,
That buried itself deep within my gut."
"A pain that we both share now,
Since your little boy and you lost touch."

"You are running from the pain now,
And you'll run, the rest of your life."
"Cause there's no real way to escape it,
It cuts deeper then any knife."

"I know the love you feel for him."
"It's the same love I have for you."
"But there comes a time, you sink or swim,
And I just don't think you re through."

"Twenty-six years ago, y'all walked out my door,
And I'm still running endlessly, trying to score."
"The life of a junkie is what I have lived,
Leaving me entirely emotionless, with nothing to give."

"Don't do as I have done so long,
And allow the world to pass you by."
"Don't fill your body with toxic crap,
Trying to maintain a constant high."

"Take some time to think things over,
Before you go out where I've been."
"Because your son will grow full of hatred,
Just exactly the way you once did."

"But If you should find, that it's the only way,
I'll pray you'll make it back one day."
"And if you do, I'm sure you'll see,
The life of a junkie is no fantasy."

I looked back into the mirror,
Straight into his eyes,
And as I begin to talk to him
Tears fell from my eyes.

I quickly turned my head away,
Wiped the tear drops from my cheeks.
And when I turn to back to him,
He looked exactly just like me.

I took a closer look at him,
And I knew for sure that it was me.
But the message had been loud and clear,
And I knew how it had to be.

I turned and laid my gun down,
Then wrote a letter to my Son.
Apologizing for the loss of a father,
Who's life had just begun.

I sealed it in an envelope,
And wrote his name upon the front,
Then turned and picked my gun up,
And my life ended with a thump.