Fool's Prospect: Online Dating

Online dating is turning out to be about as rewarding as the real thing. Nearly every woman wants a perfect man. Meanwhile, they polish themselves up with sparkling words describing their personalities, interests and love styles. With nominal examination, flaws become apparent in these little gems. In spite of this, they prospect for flawless diamonds --perfect color, weight, cut, and of course, income. Being a man who ‘gets it’, I have come up with a new approach--I’m going to let them cut and polish me just the way they want, something like this:

Hey, baby, I ain’t perfect. I got little flaws and big flaws, like this big ol’ knot right here on my forehead. Can’ help that I’m an ol’ chunk of coal, but I want to be a diamond someday. Maybe you can be my gemologist and cut me just right. Just like you want, all sparkly and bright, the kind of good-lookin’ you’d be proud to show off to all your friends at Wal-Mart. Yeah, you could….What? I’m sorry. No? Whaddya mean, no? You don’t have that kind of time? What’s that mean? I’m already a chunk of coal--hell, I’m almost a diamond already! It’s been a rocky go, but I’ve endured the heat! And let me tell ya, it’s hot as Hell down there! For real! If you polish me just right, I’ll love you forever. That means FOREVER. No, you don’t feel like talkin’ anymore? I see. You say you gotta have a diamond up FRONT? I see. Well, okay….Sorry I ain’t good enough for ya. You’re a pretty woman and likeable, too. Take care now, ya hear?