In search for life

Pulling him in a little closer, she tucked herself into his cuddle, and smiled. The feeling overwhelmed her actually, the security she was now enveloped in, was not only an unexpected blessing, but almost cost her life to attain.
  Memories of the past entered her mind for a fleeting moment, but the fear had subsided from the facts. The day had been beautiful, it was early September, and a cosy chill had begun to set in, but still, the sunsets were as breathtaking as ever, beetroot red. It had a certain power to remove all speech and absorb the mind in all manner of philosophies. Actually, she looked healthy now, her cheeks were rosy and she wore her chocolate curls back in a ribbon. In her country rags she looked somewhat of a rarity. Truly A captivating spirit. Attractive to the extreme, wholly coordinated with her environment. She belonged here.
  The wind whistled through the trees and played with the lake. A still and tranquil atmosphere reigned. It had almost been a week since she came here last, days were flying past now, but she always waited with pleasure the day that she would have the time to load her small truck with the kayak and the dog and head off down the wide quiet road to her very own private paradise.
  Dipping the paddle into the watery mirror, she adopted a sudden grace, which she only possessed on the stillness of the lake. Elegantly she glided through the liquid sky, feeling powerfully at one with nature.
  She looked forward to seeing him approach, watching as he was excitedly greeted by her collie dog, and then seeing him wave across to her, calling her back to the edge.
  He was, she felt, the one who saved her. He was her best friend, her family, her lover, her soulmate, in fact her entire universe.
  They lay together on the patchwork blanket, amongst the trees and hills, and made the most of the time that they had alone.
  It has taken quite so time for her to reach her destination. Many painful experiences and lessons had to be learnt, but at last, she was encased in ardent affection, and copious blessings.
  Let me tell you the story...


  Sitting alone in her four poster bed, Bethany felt as though the walls of her dark room were closing in. The choking had become all too often, the stains on her cheeks were, it seemed, a permanent thing. She kicked and screamed and vomited on her already putrid quilt, and before long, the door to her bedroom burst open, and in rushed Alex and her mother like doctors to their patient. Panicking. Frantic. Berserk. They uttered in a low tone, believing she couldn’t hear... ‘What should we do?’ they whispered. Peering over her, she was a girl possessed, out of control, and they were frightened.

  Beth had, what I would call, severe mental disturbances. Every day she would lie in her bed, wet with unstoppable tears. Nothing could settle her down. It was as if something had grabbed hold of her deep down within. There were times she would sit in her own mess, pulling out her hair, till her mother and Alex would come in to change her clothes and sheets. Laying her back down in her crisp fresh linen, she would collapse, exhausted from grief, and would sleep for hours.
  Gradually though, she gained strength. Sometimes, still in her bed clothes, she would be helped into the car, and just taken out for a drive with the window open to experience the fresh air on her face. Nobody knows why she would have a good few weeks, then a bad few.
  In secret, her mother and her boyfriend, Alex, would meet up and discuss what to do with next with this emotional retard. Deep down, they both had tremendous fear. Fear of losing her fear of people finding out, fear of being out of control. It wasn’t a conscious plan between them, but gradually they began to manipulate her, and Beth, being far from her own mind, was easily convinced by those whom she trusted. Moving the chess pieces around the board, they looked upon her progress with satisfaction that everything was going according to plan. Just like you might trap a small animal, and put in it a cage to keep it safe from harm, they believed caging her, trapping her, was for her own good.
  Day by day Beth became more fearful of life, although now she did have a little more strength to conduct her life in a more normal manner. She was in constant oppression, brain washed into believing the whole world was against her. Together, they made their own material paradise which enabled them to never have to ask for help from another human... who needs friends when you have TV? Months were wasted in front of screens, flicking through catalogues and brochures, and feeding the mind with dreams of wealth.  Fun was had though, but the memories of those times had been erased. Periods of real animosity were frequent. Explosive arguments, which lasted for days, and sometimes in ended in a bruise.
  Feeling cornered into a marriage with a small man, who used mental power and fists to prove something, and who forbade you to see your friends, was not a pleasant experience. Beth’s unhappiness manifests itself in different ways.
  Just turned 18, the time she wanted to taste the wildness of dance floors and bright lights, high heels and lipstick, and of course, not forgetting the throwing up in the taxi home. She craved attention.
  The wedding plans were thundering ahead at full speed, the engagement party had been and gone, unopened gifts were still piled high in the spare room. As each day went by, she felt more and more scared, choked, and cornered. In an attempt to try and slow things down, she expressed some of her doubts to her mother, who sharply told her to snap out of it. (4 months to go)