The Envelope

I knew it was coming.

Knowing the envelope would soon arrive proclaiming my doom, didn't make it any easier . I went to the mail box. I went to mail box and stood face to face with the black box. my initial instinct was to run away, run back to the house and never come out again.

"Stop it, grow up and face the music", I silently scolded. As I opened the mail box, the palms of my hands were sweating, my throat tight and dry with fear, I picked up the bundle of mail and fervently flipped through the Walmart sale paper, the "You may be the next million dollar winner of the Publishing Clearinghouse sweepstakes" and the letter from my best friend. Tucked away, in the folded "Family Circle Magazine", like a rattlesnake ready to strike, was the envelope.

With trembling hands, I carried the mail back to my house, fidgeting with the corner of the envelope. I felt a wave of nausea fill my stomach, "Oh God, I think I am going to vomit", I muttered. I took several slow deep breaths, and swallowed several times to keep from heaving up the burning, gastric juices that was bubbling in my throat. I knew I had to open it, but I just wasn't ready to accept what was inside. I angrily tossed it back on the tabl, refusing to confront the inevitable.

"What if I just chucked it in the trash, and acted like I never got it in the mail". My head swam with possiblities: amnesia, a change of residence, a death in the family. I grabbed the table and scolded myself, "Don't be a fool", I thought. "Pretending it doesn't exist will not change anything." I knew, deep within the marrow of my bones, I would not be able to emotionally deal with the contents of the envelope.

It stared at me, glared from the table, like a death sentence. My mind screamed, "Stop it, stop staring at me, mocking me, or I will tear you to shreds!"

"Jesus, I'm loosing it.I'm acting like a crazy person. Get a grip! Pull yourself together!" The stupid envelope didn't respond, nor did it disappear. Instead, it just sat there, taunting me, relentlessly.

My heart pounded within its cage of ribs, like a caged animal desperate to chew its foot off to gain freedom, with a steady, bounding beat, as hard and loud as a teenager's boom box. Beads of sweat gathered at my forehead and dampened my armpits and the back of my shirt. I fell over the edge of hysteria, unable to return, making queer, little animal sounds of fear and desperation. The envelope lunged toward me, as if it were a living creature with great and terrible mass, pressing insistently at my mind. It throbbed repulsively, like an enormous organ in the exposed and steaming guts of a prehistoric behemoth. Dread and loathing washed over my body like tidal waves on the ocean. With tears stinging my eyes I nervously, picked up the envelope.

With clenched teeth and one deep,agonizing breath I ripped open the envelope and read the balance due on my cell phone bill.