Love, thy will be done

"It is only poverty which makes celibacy contemptible."
"Bullshit."
"Excuse me! Jane Austen wrote that!"
"Well now, what do you know, we have irrefutable proof once and for all that Jane Austen... was wrong. Tell me, which book was that from?"
"Umm... haven't read the book but it's from the movie Emma."
"Yeah? Well what happens to the character who spouts that bit of wisdom?"
"Um... ok, ok, she remains fabulously wealthy and realises she is in love with her oldest friend who is a gorgeous, gentlemanly hunky-spunk and just happens to love her back, then they get married."
"Who is it?"
"Ewan MacGregor."
"SEE!"
"Well... Jane Austen herself stayed single, I saw that movie too."
"Why are we talking about Jane Austen? She has absolutely no relevance to my situation here."
"How can you say that?"
"I can say that because
1. Different continents,
2. about a hundred years and
3. as optimistic as I'm trying to be here, I highly doubt that I'm ever going to snare Ewan MacGregor."
Kelly laughed and fiddled with the handle of her coffee cup. The diamond on her left hand captured a ray of morning sunshine and shattered it into glowing rainbow shards around the room. We both stared at it for a moment.
"Jealous?"
"Not likely. You know I don't want to get married, just some company would be nice."
"Mmmmm.... somehow I get the feeling that it's not the kind of 'company' I can provide for you."
I gave her a saucy look from under my eyelashes.
"You sure?"
Kelly picked up a pillow and belted me with it.
"Down girl, you're scaring me. Anyway, I have to go. I'll call you later ok?"
"Ok, give hubby my love."
"I don't know why I asked you to be my bridesmaid, I really don't."
"Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out."
With a quick grin, Kelly disappeared around the corner. I sat back and listened to the door slam. I decided I would have to, very quietly, ask my other literate friend to lend me the movie Emma, she was sure to own it.

I'm a closet romantic. I'm not proud of it sure, but it has to be said. I outwardly cultivate a 'don't bullshit me with that crap' persona but home alone... I tear up watching chick flicks. I dream of knights in shining armour. I read Mills&Boon. And right now, after watching a Jane Austen movie I daydream about my oldest male friend. It has to be said, he's gorgeous. All that thick, shiny, dark hair, eyes you could drown in, broad shoulders and tapered hips and a rich melodic voice that lulls me to sleep sometimes. Sure I've noticed before, it's hard to miss the fact that one of your best friends is a sex icon, but never really considered anything between us. We've never really had any of those awkward moments that seem inevitable when you have a really close mixed gender frienship, and for that I'm glad. I mean, I really just don't want to be in a relationship that could ruin a frienship but... when it comes to the perfect object of a fantasy, I have to say that Luke is it.
So there I am, happily daydreaming and the doorbell rings. And it's Luke, standing on my doormat in the rain, looking all tragic and Heathcliff-ish against the backdrop of stormy skies. He has turmoil written all over his face and his eyes drill into me with their intensity.
"I need to talk to you."
"Ok" (Jane Austen would have thought of something better to say I'm sure.)
He comes inside and I fuss over his dripping state and, being uncharacteristically moody he brushes me away, telling me what he has to say is more important. My insides are in a knot, I'm quivering, whether from the nearness of his body heat or the freaky deja-vu qualities of the moment I'm not sure.
He sits down and pulls me into a chair opposite him, he clasps my hands with a feirceness which... ok, it kind of hurts because he has a strong grip.
"Luke? What's wrong?" I arrange my face into a suitable concerned friend look and try to banish the 'I've-just-realised-how-gorgeous-you-are-lets-get-naked-look' which keeps trying to creep on. Luke takes a deep shuddering breath and looks into my eyes. I try not to melt into a puddle like the one forming from Luke's sodden clothing.
"I've just made a realisation, an earth shattering kind of epiphany and... well I really need to share it with you."
"Ok, that's what I'm here for, you know that. Any epiphanies that need to be shared, I'm here!"
"This is serious, what I'm about to say could completely change our friendship and if... if you reject me for it..." his voice breaks, just a little, in a completely manly way, "I don't know what I'll do."
I stroke his hands gently in my best Elizabethan heroine way.
"Just tell me Luke. Nothing can change, you're my best friend."
"Ellie, I'm gay."
What could I do? At a moment like this, you either break down in tears at the cruel ironies of life or you succumb to the ridiculousness of yourself and the world.

I laughed.