An Answer

An Answer:

The answer was there. It stared into my eyes every morning when I would come home. Her light blue eyes, permeating my existence. Sitting at the kitchen table, with her laptop in front of her, surfing the internet, typing in her journal, going thru pictures, stored in the hard-drive.

I spent the last year and a half contemplating the answer to the question. A question which escapes me. A question which I never fully understood. A question that was never thought. A question that was never asked.

I thought so many things, and looking back, I was wrong. I was lost, and in my ineptitude, I lost more than I could've ever imagined. More than I knew. I wanted more. I should've appreciated what I had.

Looking back on the last few years of my life, I now know that what I had was what I had been seeking. Love, fulfillment, appreciation, want, excitement, exhilaration, need, enjoyment, all those things that make two souls rejoice.

You see, I never really shunned her. I merely threw her into the backseat, as I careened down that blackened highway, seeking the exit. Not an exit out of what we had, but an exit for both of us, together, to find calm and peace. It was there, i just didn't have the headlights turned on.

I spent the last week of this month, living in our home. A home that we had built together, a place that I found solace, and an escape from the outside world. Now, I no longer have my escape. I will be living in a home that I never really considered to be my home. It is a place that I once made a family, only to walk away. Funny how life turns in cycles. I can't make this place my home, for when I do, I will more than likely have to leave again. Which in essence, makes me homeless. That I can handle, but not finding my place, again, that is the tough part....

I forget the question.

I know the answer, now.....

As usual, I' m too late.