Whole?

There is a gouge in the time line of my existence. As the years have progressed it has built up and is slowly tearing through my soul. Shredding my heart to an unrecognizable mass of anguish.
    Destiny is just an enigma begging to be figured. Taunting it's secrets like fresh, bloody meat dangling in front of a ravenous, starving tiger. With every bite taken the bitter taste furiously grows. Once the taste is seered into my tongue attempting to ignore it causes it to spread even more intensly. Happiness is just a goal that can't ever be reached only imagined through self illusions. This seering slap in the face still stings against my face from the first moment this was realized.
    These indistinct blurr of words, I am hoping, will better explain the reasoning behind the course my excrutiatingly long life seems destined to pursue.