My life isnt ordinary nobody knew I had a baby once they did something was always said. |
I wrote this as an essay for school. I got an A on it so I figured that it cant actually be that bad of writing.... Even before I took the test I knew the result. I was pregnant. But mother made me take the test anyway so she could know for sure I was instead of going on pure instinct. So carefully I read the instructions, did everything as the paper told me to, and waited for the little pink lines to show up. Nothing could have prepared me for the reaction I gave myself. When I looked at the test, a plus sign and a minus sign were there, I was pregnant and I cried. I tried to calm myself down but some how I just didn't see the good in it at all. Mom said it was okay and she would help me but mother is never there for anyone mothers a rageing alcoholic who makes life worse for everyone not better. Telling my boyfriend was the least of my worries he had already said he would always be there for me and I believed him. But three months into my pregnancy he took off litterally. He moved to Georgia over six hundred miles away from my little town in Ohio. We talked but it just wasnt the same only I didnt want to give him up no matter the amount of distance between us. At the start of my fourth month he decided that he was done he called me a whore and he said we were through. Now I was truely alone and hurt. Im not a whore I only had sex with him and I was deeply in love. I convinced myself that things would be easier without him here to annoy me and to call me names. Im not actually sure if I believed myself but it was a little bit of light in the dark cave I was locked up in. I went through my fifth and sixth month without an complications but when my seventh month arrived the doctor put me on bedrest. He said I wasnt gaining weight at all when I found out I was pregnant I weighed 115 and at this time in my seventh month I only weighed 120. So I laid around eating and doing pretty much nothing. Go to school, come home, eat, sleep and do the same thing the next day. Finally towards the begining of my eighth month I got a little pain. Thinking it was just the baby kicking or moving in my ribs I went to school. During fourth period I got another pain only this time it was horrible I almost screamed aloud. I went straight to the office and since no one knew I was pregnant I said that I wasnt feeling well and went home. Dad said it was too early for me to be having contractions but they were there so he took me to the hospital. At six thirty five in the morning on November 11, 2006 I gave birth to beautiful little girl. She was perfect in everyway. Being only five pounds and twenty four days early they gave her about a seventy eight percent survival chance which was good considering how tiny she actually seemed. I stayed in the hospital four days and she stayed a whole week. When I got to take her home I was proud but at the same time I avoided streets where my friends lived. It wasnt that I was ashamed of her my parents knew that it was that I was ashamed of myself I was barely fifteen years old and already a single mother. Faith Marie became my life she was the reason I woke up and the reason I kept on breathing. At school everyone kept on living like normal I did my work then went home. In March a girl I cannot stand found out I had a kid and she told everyone. Faith was already four months old and it was working so well no one knowing seeing me in a different view. Suddenly I was like precious they all wanted pictures they were sweet to me teachers even went easier on me with school work. When two girls asked me how I could have a bastard when Im only fifteen I flipped out. Everyone had been so nice but these girls said they were Catholic and girls who have babies before they were married were going to hell along with their bastards. That was the first fight I had ever been in my entire life but it was worth it no one talks about my daughter. I think thats where I got the strength to write this. You can ask me about her I dont mind but what's really needed to know is that because I had a child at fifteen and because my child doesnt have a father active in her life doesnt make her a bastard and it doesnt make my final resting place hell. I see the good in finding those little pink lines on that test. I see the good everyday when I come home from school. Faith is like my life its hard yes very hard but its also very rewarding knowing Im in control of how this tiny life turns out. I am the deciding factor in if shes going to grow up to drop out or if she will graduate with honors and not make the same mistakes I did. Everyone wanted to know about me having a child this is just a little insite into how she worked her special little way into my life. |