To Thank You; Goodbye

As I sit in total darkness, the words flow from my fingertips to heal the hurt that cuts so deep.  My letter to you; words to heal my heart.

Dear You,

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.  I knew that you admired me for I could tell by the acceptance you gave. 

Thank you for being my best friend.  A mere word from you would send chills up my spine.  I longed for supportive words or a touch or a kiss telling me I was special.  You withheld that for punishment as I was your "baby".

Thank you for the emotional support.  You understood when my dad was sick.  I traveled a great deal to get to him and spend time with him and help with his rehabilitation.  Your accusations about other men were just you missing me and I understand that.  It eased your guilt and I know it made me feel better about being away from you so much.

Thank you for the happiness. Thank you for opening my eyes to all the things I ignored before.  Thank you for the constant reminders of menopause and how it would affect me and cause those wedges to become so embedded we couldn't hammer them out.

Thank you for the understanding that I needed to get back to my surroundings and to my friends.  I know you didn’t think they were good enough for me and I believed you.  Right now without their moral support, I would be nothing.

Thank you for not wanting me to find out about the other women.  I know you were doing it for my own good and I admire you for that.  Things I don’t know can’t hurt me, right?

Thank you for the gifts you gave.  I know you thought about it; you told me so.  Silly holidays created by the Hallmark people.  Cards were a waste of time and money. I know this is true because you told me so.

Thank you for being honest and upfront about your intentions.  Only too late did I realize that moving so far away from my home, my job, my friends and my comfort zone would take away my self esteem.. 

Thank you for the encouragement to show my sexuality.  I gave you what you wished for most; then listened as you decided that I would leave you for another woman. I enjoyed those moments and regret only the after affects.

Thank you for all the things that happened with the phone calls and the emails and poetry about you; yes, the ones that come back to haunt me day after day.  Those are the ones that cut like a knife; the ones that were written at the height of our relationship when I was so sure that I was your one and only. 

Thank you for all the good days; the ones I miss so badly.  I hope your life is filled with all the things you seek.

Thank you for the opportunity to tell you these things and to wish for you, above all else, the elusive happiness that you so desperately seek.

Me