His life

I always think of him as different. The one person no one could touch. He was invincible as a young man. Nothing stopped him, not even a tree he tried to climb and fell from. I can still hear them talking about the three days he spent in the hospital from that fall. I knew he was determined to go back and climb that tree, and to stay at the top of it. He did just that too, he'd fixed that error in his life. He climbed that tree a second time, and wore a huge smile knowing he had beat it.

Brian was so unique, he loved life in his own way. Probably the most quiet of the three brothers. When he came into a room you noticed his presence, not his voice. One saw his face, and the deep brown eyes he owned. You wondered what he was thinking. I always wanted to know what he was thinking. Being his baby sister, I never did figure that out easily. Now that he is gone, I would give anything to have a few of those moments again. Just to sit back and relive a memory,  watching him drive away in his green chevy truck. Or to have him come home and kiss my mothers cheek one more time. His passion for animals was probably my favorite things about him. I will never forget the day, he came out of the woods carrying a huge owl. He'd found the owl hurt in a tree, and did what he had to do to rescue it. That trip to the Humane Society, I sat in the back of the car with glee in my heart. I was so proud of my older brother.

His adult life, what little he had of it. Was so hard for him. Painfully shy and introduced to alcohol, he began a path none of us could see coming. I was to young at the time to understand, but can remember how my mom and dad worried about him. The end happened in a flash.

Suddenly he was gone, dead at the age of 20. His longtime roommates, said he entered his room that night, and ended his life. The victim of a self inflicted gun shot wound. Finding him was something friends still haven't gotten over. It sounds so tragic, and it is. If only we could have told him what he would do to his family.
Would he have stopped himself?

I wish we could tell him, "Brian it's ok, nothing can ever be that bad"
I wish we could have wrapped him in hugs and love and made all of his pain go away. I wish one of us, had been able to look into his eyes sooner and say we loved him more then he ever knew. I know he did what he thought was right for him, and in time you learn how to accept it. I think if he could see us now, he would say. Go help someone in their time of need, I wouldn't want this for anyone's family.
No matter what we loved him, he was son, brother, grandson and friend. He is always with me, in memory.