Chapter 1

         It has been an emotional year since my brother and his friend, Cyrus, died. It has been a long year for me and my parents. We had to learn to cope without Raymond. My parents started to become distant from me.  They would leave for a couple of days. Then days become weeks and then weeks became months. They left me in my time of need.

         Three months after Raymond died, Cyrus overdosed on some ice. which is also called  Methamphetamine.  It was so much to bear. All I had left were Angel and Joker, my two best friends. The day is coming they died and I have been in my room for two days.

         I grabbed a white shirt and placed it on the floor. I pulled out my markers and wrote in bubble letters. I wrote Raymond's whole name, his date of birth and the day that he died. The back has Cyrus' name on it, his date of birth, and the day that he died. He died three months after

         After my brother died, Cyrus and I became close. Angel wasn't even in the picture yet. Cyrus helped me through the pain by staying with me when I needed him. He spent a lot of time at my house, just trying to get me to live life. I thought he would have told me if he was doing drugs, but I guess he had kept things hidden from me. It still feels like a dream to me. I expect Raymond and Cyrus to come through my door talking shit and having a good laugh about this whole thing, but I know that isn't going to happen.

         I got to deal with the grief of losing my brother and best friend. Cyrus was a good person; someone I loved, and it hurt to lose him as well. It felt like I couldn't get on with my life. After Raymond and Cyrus died, I went into a deep depression. I lost a lot of weight- I stopped eating. My parents weren't home, so they didn't notice the difference.

         Then Angel came into the group, and we became good friends. He saw that I never ate. He figured out my secret, and he force-fed me. He had a couple black eyes and a lot of bruises, but he made it through the ass whooping. He made me eat. My body wasn't use to eating so I would get sick constantly. He would sit next to me and watch me eat. Sad, isn't it. How my life came to this? I was this gangsta girl, who is suppose to be bad, looking weak. That isn't a good thing. 

         There came a knock on my door that snap me back into reality. "Come in," I yelled.

         In came Angel. He looked at me and sat down on my bed. "You ate today, Xander?" he asked.

         "No, Angel, I am not hungry".

         "You need to eat. Come on, let's go downstairs".

         "Angel, unless you want another black eye. I suggest you to lay off. I have been eating on my own lately. It is to early in the morning for me to eat", I said.

         Angel stared at me and said," Xander, it is almost four o'clock in the afternoon".

         "Okay Angel, let's go raid my frige. There should be something in there too eat".

         I left my desk and walked downstairs to the kitchen. I sat on the stool while Angel raided the frige. "You have no food in here whatsoever. We need to go out then".

         "No, Angel," I whined. "I don't want to go out. You go get me some food".

         Angel looked at me and said," What happen to the girl that I use to know and love? The one that wasn't afraid of nothing? The one that didn't give a damn about what people said about her".

         "That girl died when her brother and best friend died. I am not that girl no more", I said, with tears running down my face.

         "You used to be stronger then this".

         "I know, Angel, I know. I am sorry," I sobbed. He reached out to me and pulled me into his arms. He rubbed his hands down my back and soothed me.