Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty

Why, why does whenever you try to give up, a force pulls you back?

She endured this everyday since she knew him. Always the same scene of him, engulfed in a group of flirty girls.
Only in her dreams, the scene was the opposite. She would often walk down the beach, hand in his, smiling and laughing like there were no worries at all.
But they were dreams…only dreams.
Dreams that were never going to come true.
If dreams are the only place where she was happy, then she would rather fall into internal sleep.
Just like the Sleeping Beauty.
Until her prince comes.

She knew the answer. She knew the answer to anything.
But she didn’t know the question.
She knew that when she finds it, she will know everything. 
But she is still searching.

She stood in the train and looked out the window. Commuters were walking past, setting out on the course of their life, and fulfilling their destinies.
What was her destiny?

In her dreams she owned him, she cherished him, she loved him.
And he loved her.
But like a bird flying for freedom, it was always out of her grasp. She tried so many times to ignore the fact that she had no chance with him, for he already owned too many hearts.

“What’s it like, living in a perfect world?” she would ask him in her dreams.
“I’m not sure.”
“How would you feel?”
“I’ll feel good. I’ll feel…full. Like I have everything you want in the world,” he would reply, “what is your world like?”
She would smile, “It’s not like yours. My world can never be perfect. Because if everything is perfect, then nothing will be perfect anymore. Just like if everyone’s evil, then no one’s actually evil anymore.”
“Do you want a perfect world?”

She glanced across the courtyard and smiled as she saw him looking uncomfortable in the presence of a group of giggling girls.
Then, in a magical moment, their eyes met.
His eyes… the eyes had lost their warmth that once filled it when he looked at her. The warmth that not even the sun can compete with.
Now they were cold, cold and hard. Cold as ice and hard as marble.
She looked away too scared to look again.
The eyes seemed to hold a message that said “Leave me alone.”
The eyes she wanted…was lost.
When she gathered enough courage to look back, he was walking away…
Just my luck…she laughed ironically.

In her dreams, he was different. He was always different. He was understanding and kind. He had a special look that made her want to tell him everything. Even her darkest secrets and emotions.
In real life, he would tease her. Occasionally, he would swear at her. She was often left feeling unsure of how to feel. She liked him. She didn’t know why she did.

“What’s it like to live a perfect life?” she would ask.
“I’m not sure”
“How would you feel?”
“I would fell like there’s nothing missing. Everything I want is right here. Anything at all,” he would say, “How about you?”
“I…don’t know. I have never lived a perfect fragment of my life before.”
“Would you want a perfect life?”

She hated herself for falling for him. She tried many times to forget about knowing him, but to no affect.
She blamed herself for getting hurt.
Outside, she acted like nothing was wrong. But it was just a shell with her image carved into it.
Inside, however, were a mass of doubt and gloom.
She hated herself for that.

Destiny…
A confusing topic to discuss. The dictionary defined it as : an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future
But if everyone was born with a set destiny, we would just be dolls of fate. Then, how is it fair? Some babies were born just to die a minute after. Was their destiny to die? Many believe in equivalent trade. If so, who did the babies gain in exchange for their life?
Some people say we can change our destiny. Nobody’s providence is fixed. So, we can change the courses of our life. But what if the course of our life is to change the course?
Fate and destiny.
Complicated.

“Why do people wait their whole life time for those three words?”
“I’m not sure”
“What do you think?”
“They want to feel reassured. From their perspective, those words will make them stronger. They want to feel like they’re in control.”
“But isn’t action greater than words? If so, why do people still wait for words?”
She didn’t understand. They were just words, three words, eight letters. Why did they have such an impact on people?
He didn’t answer but continued to stare off into the distance.
“Are you waiting for those words?”

Nothing could hurt her. Nothing could break her ego.
That was what she used to think. She thought that she was so clever, solving other people’s problems. So clever that she came to a stage that nobody thought she could even cry.
But now she needed help.
Desperately…
There was only one person that can do that.

“Can sins be forgiven?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What do you think?”
“Life is a challenge and only the people who rise up to it deserves to live. Everybody sins. Everybody gets hurt sometimes but this is part of the challenge. It’s your choice if you want to forgive the sinned or not.”
“If sins can be forgiven, can it be forgotten?”
There was a pause of consideration.
All he said was, “Do you want to forget?”

She lived with having to endure the pain he caused everyday. She was used to it. She asked for nothing in return. Nothing at all.
But it hurt her. It hurt her to see one of her best friend flirting with him. It hurt her to see him.
She wondered was he thinking about her every time she thought about him.
She would die to know.

They played slapping games at school. Little did they know that she wanted to be slapped.
She wanted something to wake her up. She wanted to escape from her dreams because she was afraid of the real him. She was afraid that he wasn’t the way she wanted him to be.
No one slapped her hard enough.
She kept on dreaming in the castle that was her body.

She was falling.
“Life. Why are we born in the first place?”
He didn’t answer.
She was accelerating.
“Why do we exist if we only exist to die?”
No reply.
She was falling faster.
“What is our destiny?”
His silhouette remained silent.
“Please”
She was falling faster than before.
“What is the meaning of lif…”
She woke.

It wasn’t until the shrill snap of pain on the side of her cheek that she jolted back to the present. In that split second that the ball hit her, she understood everything.
She stood there, shocked and yet amazed. There were people yelling in her direction.
Her racket dropped to the ground.
She put a hand to her cheek.
It was after several seconds after the realization sank in.
The motion of the ball hitting was like a kiss, a kiss that brought her back to life.
Back to the waking world.
Like prince’s kiss did to the Sleeping Beauty.

She understood everything. She looks at him from a safe distance as she pondered her thoughts.
No, she didn’t want a perfect world because nothing would be perfect anymore.
No, she didn’t want a perfect life because there were no point of living if everything was perfect.
No, she didn’t want to hear the words because even the slightest action would be enough for her.
No, she didn’t want to forget because the past pushes her up, makes her stronger and smarter than ever before.
She also understood that there is significance to her life. She wasn’t randomly selected but picked for a reason.
Her destiny…
And she also understood…
The meaning to life…
The meaning to her life, to everyone’s life, is to give life a meaning.

The meaning of life is to give life a meaning.

Above, he was lending his hand to her. She reached up.
Her prince was there.
Her questions to her answers were there.