Cotton Candy

         The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that the room I was in was not my own. The posters of my favorite bands, pictures of my friends, and little knick-knacks that lined three selves were all gone. In their place were awful, icky pink things. I’m not talking your normal cotton candy pink. These took the color to a whole new level. Even the canopy (yes, the bed I was lying in actually had a canopy) had little pink hearts around the trim. For a self-proclaimed anti-pink person, this was bad. This was very bad.
         I warily got out of bed, grabbing the first heavy object I saw (which happened to be a fuzzy telephone. Gag me). I held the phone in front of me as I crept to the door, hoping that I looked more intimidating than I thought I did. The door was closed, so I reached for the doorknob. Surprisingly, it was a few inches lower than I remembered doorknobs being. I shrugged it off. Maybe the people who built this house were tall for their age. Who cared? I just needed to get out of here. I opened the door-and caught sight of myself in the mirror across the hall.
         For a second I just stared. And stared. Because the person in the mirror was definitely not me. The person in the mirror had long, flowing blond hair, while mine was short and dyed black. The person in the mirror had big blue eyes, while mine were a particularly muddy shade of brown. I raised my right hand, slowly. The mirror-me did the same. I was convinced it was some sort of trick, like those mirrors they always have in funhouses, until I reached back and grabbed my hair. Definitely long and flowing. I pulled it over my shoulder. Yep. Definitely blond.
         The word I uttered then was not a very polite word, and unfortunately the woman across the hall heard it. She seemed to be under the impression that she was my mother, because she gasped and looked very indignant. Plus she had the same blue eyes that mirror-me had.
         “Tina Louise Parker!” she shrieked. “What kind of word is that? How dare you defile my home with that language? Back to your room this instant, young lady. Why, I have half a mind to wash your mouth out with soap. Honestly, the nerve of children these days.” Huffing, she stormed back into what I presumed was her room and slammed the door.
         So, Tina Louise Parker. Apparently that was mirror-me’s name. Not quite sure what to do, I went back into Tina’s room and closed the door. I sat on her bed and began to consider my options. One, I could go to that woman, tell her that I was not, in fact, Tina Louise Parker, and that something was obviously very wrong here. Something told me that that would not go over too well. Two, I could play along and pretend to be Tina Louise Parker, at least until I figured out what the hell was going on. But one more look around the room quickly dispelled that idea. The thought of spending thirty more seconds as this pink pop princess was revolting to me. I quietly re-opened the door and looked at myself in the hall mirror again, studying my new face. And then I came to an interesting conclusion.
         I actually KNEW Tina Louise Parker – well, not by name. I’d seen her outside when I came home a few times, lounging in a lawn chair with a glass of lemonade. In fact, if she was the girl I was thinking of, she lived right across the street from me. A dash to the window showed me that I was right. It also showed me that my body was marching across the street and right into Tina Louise Parker’s front lawn.
         I quickly ran out of the room and down the stairs, finding my way to the front door just as my body was about to knock. My expression was furious, and on seeing me in my new body, just got angrier.
         “Tina?” I asked.
         I had apparently guessed correctly, because Tina-as-me immediately started to splutter. “You…little…”
         “Hey!” I said, a little indignant. “I didn’t have anything to do with this! I just woke up, and here I was, in your body and your house. Oh, and one more thing. What the hell is going on?”
         “I should have KNOWN it wouldn’t work,” she muttered as she pushed past me. “Up to my room. Now.” When I didn’t immediately follow, she turned to glare at me. “I said NOW!”
         I felt that it was probably best to obey someone who apparently could switch bodies with me, so I trudged back up the stairs to Pink Paradise. She slammed her door shut and started rummaging in a dresser drawer. Tina pulled out a rather large book and a baggie of stuff that looked like drugs. “Umm…I don’t do that stuff,” I told you.
         She gave me a condescending look. “You idiot, this is for spells.”
         I laughed. “Yeah, right. Seriously, what’s it for?”
         “I think the fact that we’re currently in each other’s bodies proves that I’m not lying,” she informed me. Hmm, that was true. I shut up while she set up some intricate looking circle thingy.
         “Can I ask you a question?” I asked timidly. Imagine, me being afraid of this perfect little blonde!
         “Fine,” she said curtly. “But make it quick.”
         “Why did you switch our bodies?”
         “I didn’t mean too, you moron. I was trying to switch our stereos, and I must have said something wrong.”
         “Wait,” I said. “You were trying to steal my stereo?”
         “Duh,” she replied. “Yours is about fifty times better than mine. It’s got a 10 CD changer. Mine’s only got 2.”
         “How could you possibly know how many CD’s my stereo can hold?” I asked her.
         “Vampires have excellent eyesight.”
         This response almost bowled me over. “You’re trying to tell me you’re a vampire?”
         “Felt your teeth lately?”
         I reached up a hand and touched my teeth gingerly. “Ow!” Turns out they were sharp enough to draw blood.
         “But you sunbathe. I thought vampires couldn’t be in sunlight.”
         She laughed derisively. “Someone’s been watching too much Buffy. That’s a myth, as is the whole stake thing, the garlic thing, the cross thing, and pretty much everything you’ve ever heard.”
         I was getting curious now. “So what is true?”
         “Oh, the usual. We’re stronger, smarter, faster, and better-looking than the average mortal. Plus our life-span’s about five centuries. But don’t worry, you won’t remember any of this once I switch our bodies back.”
         “Do you drink blood?”
         She made a face. “When we have to. But that’s only about every month or so. Come here, I need you to say this spell with me.”
         “So, how did you become a vampire?”
         She just glared. “Spell. Now. I’m done with the twenty questions.”
         “Just this last one. Then I’ll say it, I promise.”
         “Fine,” she said as she gritted her teeth. “It’s genetic. My parents are vampires, my grandparents are vampires, and so on. I don’t know how far back it goes, or how it got started. Now get your ass over here and say the damn spell.”
         “Actually,” I told her. “I really don’t think I will. I think I’ll give this vampire thing a shot.” Before she could blink, I darted over and erased the design she had made with my foot. “Now please, get out of my room.”
         Her face drained of all color. “But…but…you promised!”
         “Whining doesn’t go good with the punk rock look,” I told her. “Now go along home. We both have some adjusting to do.”
         I won’t bore you with the thirty minutes of whining and threats that followed, but eventually I had to throw her out of the window to get the real Tina Louise Parker out of my life. Taking over as her wasn’t too hard, as she had left detailed diaries of her life. And this vampire thing is awesome. Sure, the whole drinking blood thing was gross the first time I had to do it, but it’s gotten easier since then. And I’m strictly an animal vampire. No humans for me. It’s been about six months now, and sometimes I see the old me skulking on the street in front of my house, throwing hateful glances my way. But whenever that happens, I give in to the childish urge of sticking my tongue out. Hey, it’s her fault that this happened. I’m just reaping the benefits. And my guess is I’ll be reaping them for almost half a millennium to come.