"Crossroads"

Paula Lehman
10/3/06
Crossroads

I remember when we became sisters.
Your hand in mine, blood in between.
The stab of your Girl Scout pin.
Junior high had been so traumatic
And from then on
I remember a rush of changes.
But the two of us
Were constants
Even in our
Separate circles.
Everyone always thought
I would be the one
To get in trouble,
To drop out,
Waste my “brilliant mind.”
In the end, even my love
Couldn’t save you
From yourself,
From your need
To feel loved.
I left you to them
And maybe I’ll never
Forgive myself,
Though you forced me out.
I thought you had disappeared,
Sank into the person
That I didn’t know
Forever.
And then you were literally gone.
Stopped going to school,
Taking walks,
Going to the mall.
I heard the vicious rumors,
Our’s was always a
Talkative small town.
I pretended you no longer
Existed.
Or that I had some reason
To grudge you my support
Because you had bad
Judgement of character.
You called, after I’d
Shut you out.
Crying.
Alone.
And afraid.
I should have been
Better than that.
I should have swallowed
My pride and just called.
We went out for coffee
At the truck stop along
The highway-Junction Eat.
I never realized how fitting
A crossroads theme was
Until much later.
You looked drained, walking.
We were too young to even drive.
Your eyes were red
And you told me everything.
The grease of the hamburgers
And cooking onions
Mixing with cigar smoke
And jukebox music.
I strained to hear you.
It was as if nothing
Had ever changed.
“I don’t know what
I should do.
People talk about
Choices as if
There really were any.
Any way, you lose
Something.
Of yourself, of your life,
Of your future.
You always have some
Part of you that
Is never the same.
Something is always
Born
And something always
Dies.”